The word "no" is among the first a baby learns. It surprises me, therefore, that so many men I meet do not understand its meaning. Please understand that this is not meant to be an insult to men in general; it is only in response to the stupid ones who would not stop asking me to have sex with them while I was on the Internet. Every item on this list is in response to an actual question I have been asked at least once! Noooooo!

No, I do not want to have cybersex with you.

No, I do not want you to teach me why I need you.

No, I do not want to hear your theories on why I don't want you.

No, I do not want to have a drink.

No, I am not interested in playing with any part of your anatomy that I cannot see when you are clothed.

No, I am not too keen on calling you for a "good time."

No, I am not "in the mood."

No, I am not looking for a boyfriend, and no, you cannot change my mind with your picture.

No, I really am not a bitch, but if you act like a retard, I will act as uncivilly as possible to make you leave me alone.

No, I am not old enough to be your mother, nor too young to appreciate your sexiness.

No, your picture does not turn me on.

No, I do not like to be called "baby."

No, your profile does not impress me.

No, I don't really wanna "trade pics."

No, I will not tell you my bra size.

No, you are not the exception.

No, you are not the first of your kind I have ever seen, nor are you the last, I imagine.

No, I most certainly am not interested in having you over for wine and oral sex.

No, your attempts at seducing me are not working.

No, you cannot kiss me.

No, the meaning of life is not to get laid.

No, I am not a sex toy.

No, I do not respond well to being called "sexy."

No, I don't particularly want to hear about the attributes of your sexual organs.

No, I am not a lesbian.

No, I am not into barnyard animals.

No, I am not actually a man.

No, your penis really isn't that great.

No, in fact I am not impressed.

Yes, I want you to leave me the hell alone.

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