I refuse to be "deciphered"

Confession: I read teen magazines. And I am sick and tired of reading variations on this exact same article, every single month:

Guyspeak, Deciphered!

Let's face it girls, guys are nearly impossible to understand! But, before you go postal trying to figure out what your hunk hottie means when he says "I like you," read this guide to guyspeak.

Let's set the scene: You and your crush are at Homecoming. You're wearing the latest outfit, the cutest hairstyle you could find, and a huge smile. Suddenly, he turns to you and says "Do you want to go out on Friday?"

Woah! You do a double take. THE hottest guy in the known universe wants to go out with you? Suddenly all sorts of questions are running through your head. "Does he want to go steady? Where will we go? What will we do? Does he like like me or just like me? What will I wear?!?"

Dr. Joanne Lawler of Hospital H. McHospitalson gives us these tips about how to treat your guy, and not scare him off:

• Usually, a guy will make more eye contact if he really likes you.
• Remember, guys need time alone with their friends to talk about guy stuff, like football, and cars (yuck!) Give him some alone time, and he'll give you some alone time too, so you can discuss the latest fashion and the new Josh Hartnett movie with your BFF's.
• A guy can't force you to do anything you're not ready to do. Say no, and stand by your words.

When will people realize that there's no "guyspeak" to decipher? Some guys speak in a similar manner, but there's no handbook handed out at birth, no "instinctual" language or manner that girls cant understand unless they've read the article (or written it...)

Don't tell me that guys are afraid of committment and should therefore be handled gently. Don't tell me that we shouldn't show affection to a guy when they're with their friends because guys hate that.

How can any magazine put this kind of article next to one about ending sexual stereotypes?