So, this one day, I went to this place called Paradise, and it looked
kinda like a paradise, but I thought "Hey, you know what'd be great here? A bigass parking
lot!" So then I stole this big steam roller thing, and I like paved Paradise, and put up
a parking lot. And I thought that was pretty cool, y'know.
So then, like, these people came, and they were all pissed that I paved
over their paradise, and I was like "Hey! Get the hell off my parking lot! It's only for
big yellow taxis! Oh, except you hot chicks over there, behind the fat dude, you can stay." I mean, they were all hot and stuff, so I couldn't,
like, tell them to go away. Unfortunately, nobody really listened to me and nobody left, and
that kinda pissed me off.
So then things got kinda weird. All of a sudden Sheryl Crow and
Cameron Crowe come walking up, just as some of my big yellow taxis are starting to park in
some spots. So I, like, counted them, "Let's see...one...two...yes, uh, two Crows," and I
was all pissed because that was two more people on my parking lot!
So I was like "Hey, you two, get off my damn parking lot, dammit! It's
only for bigass yellow taxis!" and Cameron Crowe was like "You shouldn't have paved over
paradise, man!" and I was like "Hey, kiss my ass, buttknocker!" And then I
laughed, because that was kinda cool. I just love saying "buttknocker."
So anyway, Kid Rock shows up, and he, like, starts totally making out
with Sheryl Crow, and I was like "Hey, what the hell are you doing here?!?" and then Sheryl
Crow's like "Hey, All I wanna do is have some fun! And besides, I'm from Missouri, the
Show Me State, OK, and he shows me his and I show him mine."
So then I was like " Whoah,"
and then I said, "Why don't you show me yours, baby?" and then she was like "In your
dreams!" and then I was like "Hey, you're right, you do show me yours in my dreams!" and
so Sheryl's like "Oh, whatever!"
And so, I started to get really pissed off, because more people started
showing up on my damn parking lot,
protesting and stuff, and to top it off none of the new people were hot chicks. And one of
the people, this chick, was yelling something about her name being Joni
Mitchell and she wrote some song or something. I couldn't hear her too well through all the
yelling. So anyway I decided to do something about all those people.
Then I yelled to the sky "Will somebody, like, PLEASE help me get rid of
all these annoying people so I can park all of my big yellow taxis?!" And then, I got kinda
scared, because the sky started to get dark and rumble and stuff. And then, like, this big
fat dude starts falling from the sky, and he crashes right into the pavement in front of me.
When he got up and dusted himself off, I was like "Whoah" because it was Ron Jeremy!
"I will help you, young blonde one!" Ron Jeremy
And I was like "Yeah! Kick all their asses, Ron
And then he said "Consider it done!"
So then he, like, beat everybody in the crowed to death with his
schlong! And I was like "Whoah!" because I'd never seen anybody use their schlong to beat people to death before. And then I said "Why the hell did he use his
And then Cameron Crowe's like "Dude, Ron Jeremy's schlong is plus-ten
to hit, and 2-D-10 plus-10 to damage! And double that if it's a crit!"
So then I was like "What the hell are you talking about?!" and Cameron
Crowe was like "Nevermind, dude."
After that, Ron Jeremy says "Hey, I gotta split. I'm supposed to meet
Erik Estrada and Rob Van Winkle for lunch." As he's taking off I yell "Hey,
what about these guys?!" (I was pointing at Sheryl Crow, Cameron Crowe, and Kid Rock.) But
Ron Jeremy kept on going until he was out of sight.
So then I turned to them and I was like "You three get the hell out of
here, too, or I'll, like, get my friend Butthead to come kick your ass!" And then Kid Rock
starts laughing and it really pissed me off. And then Sheryl Crow and Cameron Crowe started
Steaming mad, I started to, like, go crazy and
stuff, all like "Blaahhh!" and "Ooooaaaaaggggahhh!" and waving my hands around and bulging
my eyes and it started to freak them out and stuff.
As I started to do that louder, Sheryl Crow's like "Come on, let's get
the hell out of here!" and I was really glad because I was starting to get dizzy and
So then they all left, and it finally looked like everything was cool,
but then this tall dude came walking onto my parking lot. He said his name was Dannye or something and he was like "What do you think you're doing, noding a piece of shit like
this?!" and I was like "What? What the hell's 'noding?!'"
And then I said "Hey, get the hell off my damn parking lot! It's for big
yellow taxis only......dammit!"
Source: Yo mamma