In the room, behind me, there stands a swivel chair.
I needed a new chair, because the one I'm sitting on is old and tired -- I got it years ago, swapped it for a couple of hours work, when a friend of mine was updating his office furniture. One of the wheels is broken and another is hanging on by a thread, and it really needs replacing. He knows this. So, when he was looking round the auction, he saw this other chair, and bid on it. And here it is in the room behind me.
He bought it for me. He was being nice. I ought to be grateful.
But I'm not grateful.
It's all wrong.. It's the wrong shape, the back is too low, the seat too short. The arms are wooden, not padded. It feels too high, even at it's lowest setting. It's the wrong colour. It's just wrong.
It's not half as comfortable as my tired old green thing.
He didn't ask me if I wanted it. If he had, I would have said no, and explained why. But he just bought it, because he thought I'd like it.
So now, I have it, and I don't need a chair any more. It's perfectly serviceable and I'll probably get used to it. I can't buy what I really want, because the money has been spent, and we can't afford to waste it.
I can't even say I don't like it, because he was trying so hard to make me happy. If I moan, he'll be upset and angry. He'll rant about how he can never get anything right, and I love him and don't want him to feel that way.
We're both so stressed, being broke, having to make every penny count. It would be so easy to fight all the time, take out our frustration and resentment on each other. We don't do that. We try to keep everything together, to do thoughtful things for each other, make the best of a bad situation.
So, I ought to be grateful. I want to be grateful. But I'm not, I'm just angry.