This is what Homer Simpson says to Marge after he learns that a man he recently befriended (voiced by John Waters) is queer (in the episode titled, "Homer's Phobia").

Whether intentional or not, this is a brilliant piece of writing. I think it sums up, rather succinctly, the attitude of many "homophobic" American men toward homosexuality.

Many men don't hold anything in particular against gay men, but tend to feel uneasy when they find out a friend plays for the other team. Certainly, these are men who are uncomfortable with their own sexuality. They feel that, if Joe Sixpack, longtime drinking buddy, is gay, they might be gay, too.

I won't get into how everyone's a little queer, but this is pretty laughable. Laughable, but understandable. We renaissance men might not be threatened by the idea of attraction to another man, but there are plenty of unenlightened guys who think it makes them less of a man.

So for all you butch gay men out there, please don't be too offended when your straight buddies are terrified when they learn of your (homo)sexuality. Bear with them, educate them, and make sure they know you're not interested. Even if you are.

Quick clarification: Hey, no high horse intended here; lots of guys are "cool with that." Read all the words before you respond, not just the ones that burn your biscuits.

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