Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "I doubt I would have died, but it certainly would have hurt like a bitch."

• Hello, my name is... Would you like to have sex?
• It would have been an excellent story but I had to get off the train
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• it wouldn't be so bad if people like you would have become ghosts too
• I would have tried, but Charlotte kept Charlotte in the world of Charlotte and she barely heard me
• For future reference, when in eternity or insanity; dreams I would like to have
• I always knew I would have a 21st birthday but I never thought I'd be 21
• Nodes your Grandma would have liked
• I would've taken an axe to it, but I'm pretty sure the dryad would have pulverized me
• I would have liked thunder when she left
• I would like to have emotions
• And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!
• We told you when you were hired that you would have to work on Saturday
• Friend, you have a lot to learn if you think loving me would be a bad idea.
• Yesterday, I believe I would never have done what I did today.
• If you didn't have free will, would you know it?
• I might have expected that the mushrooms would worship you
• Would I have hid myself away if I had known I'd never be found?
• It is never too late to be what you would have been
• Terminating a pregnancy due to Down Syndrome
• If it had been able to, the light would have smiled
• I would have killed for a sexual thought
• he would have cried
• Bernie would have won "ANY BREAKFAST BAGEL SANDWICH" at McDonald's
• If we catapulted outlaws, only pawn shops would have guns
• Advantages an invisible man would have in the world
• You stole what they would have given you
• if music was a woman you would have a mistress
• If it were a snake, it would have bit me
• Why the ancient Babylonians would have loved high definition television
• I would a thousand times rather have had a simple cheap sandwich with a friend
• I have no proof that he would ever want to kiss or destroy me.
• he would have laughed
• Would you rather have a matrimony profile?
• if I was doing it for compliments I would have stopped a lot sooner
• Bernie would have won
• If I had the money I would get lost. God knows I have the time.
• There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how
• Having an S on a transcript rather than a B
• Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
• You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
• I would have cooled this if you had written it
• I know that all the cannabis activists would like you to believe differently but
• All the terrible disadvantages an invisible man would have in the world
• If this were in person, I would have kissed her now
• Why would he want a writer when he could have a dancer?
• I don't have a soul. But something still hurts.
• To a Poet, who would have me Praise certain Bad Poets, Imitators of His and Mine
• What pornos would have us believe
• you would have been
• Would ye have a young Virgin of fifteen Years
• Things that would have seemed unbelievable about 11 years ago
• I would have leapt at the innuendo you had strewn at my feet.
• What if I had never met you? How much the poorer would my life have been.
• If Gore Had Won (A cautionary tale)
• I would have attempted to draw her if she had stayed that way.
• How many "Spinal Tap" drummers have died, in total?
• You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you
• Swim with the fishies, but remember you have wings
• Jessica, too tall but still lovely, was not sure she would or should drop the whale
• They call you heartless, but you have a heart, and I love you for being ashamed to show it. You are ashamed of your flood, while others are ashamed of their ebb.
• Would you like to try a sample?
• Places a local (like me) would take you to in New Orleans
• I may not have had enough of me but I've had enough of you
• Your radical ideas about many things have already occurred to others but have never been articulated in a fashion so accessible to current generations
• If I had a rocket launcher, some son of a bitch would pay!
• but the only power i truly have is the strength to let it go
• I Meant to have but Modest Needs
• Sex and death have both spat me out like spoiled milk for the same reason. I was not afraid.
• Would you like a cup of coffee?
• I would love for you to come to me with Christmas lights around your head, late night like a ghost
• Would you like to see me masticate?
• When that cow would walk it was like she was dancing
• What is it like to have a soul?
• No, but I'll have a beer
• Seems I might have stolen the blue part of her rainbow, but all I really did was make it bigger, a way bigger blue
• I'd love to stay and let you break my heart, but I have laundry to do
• If the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail
• The Firestone dealership was full to the brim with cars. But I reasoned I would need a boat, since my desire was to go to Ireland. Just then a harsh reminder surfaced; water is expensive in hell.
• As Guan Yu would surrender to the Han, but not to Cao Cao, I will surrender to you, but not to your desire to control me.
• Take it til you make it, break it if you have to, but don't ever fake it.
• My Bitch Better Have My Money
• I keep thinking I'm so tough but I rarely care enough to prove it. So am I really tough then? Or does every dog just have its day?
• I don't have a postmodern condition; I've always been like this
• And then they came for me, but the bridge would not ignite.
• How to develop one side of your butt and still have the other one flabby
• the dreams that should have died
• What it's like to have cancer
• heart medications which all have names like alien military from other planets
• If you would like to contact DMan
• Like farting on a cake, you have defiled something lovely
• Would you like fries with that?
• Would you like an OS with that?
• I have a sick mind. I like to pleasure myself with a hockey stick while gargling with pureed baby.
• Mother and I Would Like to Know
• If you would like to hear a duck quack, press 7
• How would you like it if they took your subculture and made it a theme night?
• If the only sexual organ you have is a penis then everything looks like a vagina
• I love you but I have to let you go
• When you have a trip planned, but don't go, you need to cancel your reservations
• I may have cellulite, but I can still put my ankles behind my head
• You need a license to have a dog, but any idiot can have a child
• These rugs will unite this country like no other rugs have before
• But if you destroy the world, where would we live?
• You don't have to be a vegetarian to like vegetarian food
• I suppose I could have married a World Cup soccer player, but I didn't
• You have to live like you'll miss the end
• I Would Be Content To Live For But A Day
• you never thought this would happen to you, but it did
• i call my phone and i check my messages, but i don't have any messages
• My finger can point to the moon, but my finger is not the moon. You don't have to become my finger, nor do you have to worship my finger. You have to forget my finger, and look at where it is pointing.
• There's a sign on the wall. But she wants to be sure. Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
• Does Molly Weasley have to choke a bitch?
• I have enthusiasm for everything that you like or are interested in!
• But what kind of violence would not be natural? Is not cruelty natural?
• If all you have is a hydrogen bomb, everything looks like the moon
• I have a most elegant proof of that, but this node is too small to contain it
• Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died
• They made the sunrise for people like us just so we have an excuse for why we're still up.
• Mandy would be happy if i died
• What it's like to have a community
• We don't have time. Not like they do.
• If there were more people like you, there would be less people
• If the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a hardware catalog
• No one has ever died because they DIDN'T have a toothpick
• what would you like?
• I would like to spiritually attune your face with my knee
• Half-sour pickle
• Perhaps you would like to meet your evil twin!
• I would really like to beat the crap out of someone
• I would like to sit in a coffee shop with a notebook, two pens, a carton of cigarettes, and you
• We would like to apologize to the following people and stick in some amusing messages
• Mind without body
• You meant for this node to be read by me, and I would like to respond
• What is it like to have a crush on someone?
• Would you like a doughnut?
• I never thought it would be like this
• Everytime I get XP, I feel like I have to save my game
• I'm not religious, but I think I have a close relationship with God
• But I have seen the sun just once
• Perhaps pain will stop me where good sense and virtue have failed
• But alas, I have no badger to offer you
• I've lost my memory but I have ink, so.
• Cheers, my lips have frozen but hemlock goes down easy
• The eyes of the dead may not blink, but they have been known to wander
• I'm sorry I was speeding, officer, but I really have to get to the hospital
• I will have her forever but I can't touch her
• She may be pretty and have more money than me but she doesn't write songs about you.
• Apple may have bought NeXT, but NeXT took over Apple
• Your radical ideas about this being like David Foster Wallace have already occurred to others.
• Glad To Have A Friend Like You
• Bitch Better Have My Money
• Once and somewhere far away I might have found peace, but now I can't live without this city.
• But can you imagine what that would do to all those juggaloes?
• The FOOLS! They laughed at my theories at the university, but I'll have my revenge! I'll have my REVENGE!
• If I don't care, I don't have to hurt
• I didn't have the heart to tell him I was lying about taco night, but at least the hellhound made some friends
• I cannot produce a definitive list of everywhere I have been, but I can say that I have seen a whole lot of nowhere
• you have changed but the memory stayed the same
• My soul is in a million pieces. I tried to collect most of them, but some are missing, and the ones I have don't fit together anymore. Feel free to take a piece or two.
• beauty is invented, but it is also personified, and I know this because I have met her
• i always want to go back. but i don't know if it's time yet. i have some things i have to do.
• We have divided among us, like thieves, the treasure of nights and days.
• I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you
• I must have been mental to have done something like that, eh?
• we're all here to die. but if you think that's all it is, you still have the bag on your head.
• To anyone who this may have hurt, please forgive me. The darkness keeps calling and I must go.
• you don't have to eat your dinner but you pay for your plate
• I have a sick mind. I like to hump myself against shelled clams and sing Oasis songs.
• we have the most gigabytes of infodata but we still shoot each other on the streets
• I would kiss you, but I don't know how to kiss
• Am I dying? Have I died?
• Many have died; you also will die.
• You will have no doubt and the sky will turn to gold
• When you know things are just meant to be
• We have nothing to fear but fear itself

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