I don't believe in falling in love

In fact, my face gets red the moment I hear the phrase.

I don't want it, no, I don't want that.

If that is it, if that is the real thing, then I don't want it.

I think it can be better than that (that blind idolatry, blind lust that we call falling in love)

I believe that I can wake up one morning and realize I have love. (The love that had been there, the love I had but didn't see)

The love isn't new but it is overwhelming. And I don't know whether to get up and mop the kitchen floor or whether to stay in bed and cry. Either way my throat is soft and hoarse and my mind is clear.

And I realize that I didn't fall in and I won't fall out.

As one of the resident "old fogeys" of E2, here's my perspective:

The magical thing about falling in love is that you never know it until it is too late. You can be hanging out with a friend when the realization hits you in the head like a wet trout. My wife and I were the best of friends, and as she tells it, she woke up one morning and just thought to herself, "Hmmm, I love him."

She never would have thought that possible. We were friends, and we didn't feel that way about each other. A week prior, if you told her she and I would eventually get married, she would've laughed hysterically.

I am afraid not believing in falling in love is like not believing in gravity. Think all you want, but your feet are still magically stuck to the crust of this mudball. You will wake up one day and realize that it has already happened, that you never expected it, and you never saw it coming.

The illusion of falling in love is like that of the tooth fairy, santa claus or the easter bunny. It's great for young people. It's fine for those older people who don't want to let it go and appreciate the magic that they feel, the eternal journey and adventure that comes from seeking it out, pretending to have it, and the tragedy and loss of waking up to find it gone.

However it was never there.

Like most illusions we human beings fancy, love is not a tangible object. We equate certain things or people with this concept. I could love one something and you may choose to love something else. Two people can fall in love with the same third person at the same time which causes no end of trouble for everyone. One can fall in love with one's work. One can see a dream house and fall in love with that. Or one can fall in love with the idea of denouncing all worldly possessions and embracing a higher power or superior state of consciousness. The concept of falling in love is not limited to his cute little red haired girl or the guy who looked at her funny in the cafeteria. One can choose to fall in love with a dog, or a kumquat or a belief system, or one's creator. It really doesn't matter.

It is something we fabricate in our minds. It is an unconsciously conscious choice we make to be affected by that individual or object in some way. Falling in love is giving into one's emotions and wallowing in self-actualization. It is perhaps simultaneously the most selfish AND selfless action any human being can express to another, or to themselves.

It is is sort of about blind adulation, speaking as a bloke here. It's about wanting, needing in every possible way. It's about the constant terror of being replaced, of not being enough. It's about being in love, being in hate, being in a position to hurt without even knowing that you're hurting. It's about responsibility and it's about mutual care.

Note the use of the word mutual. It's the lack of mutual that leads to the hate, the jealosy, the insecurity. It's the lack of knowing that mutuality.

I believe in falling in love. But remember the difference between love and being in love. Love is wonderful. Being in love is wonderful and terrible at the same time. Especially when one loves while the other both loves and is in love. Try to avoid this, if you can.