April 4th, 0020: 14:31
The results of the 0020 election in! The new Primisident is...
For the first time in New Earth's short history, there has been a double election!
Yes, you guessed it, the Smith Twins, by a close margin, have secured the seat-- err, seats, as joint Primisident of Earth. Politicians from all over the spectrum are scrambling to get an idea of what the effects for them will be in the years to follow.
What does this mean for the Primisidency? Are two heads really better than one? These questions and more are on the minds of all northsouthamericafricaustralieuropeantarticasians.
We hope to be receiving more information shortly, so please check back frequently. In the mean time, why not enjoy a cool, refreshing Colatm?
April 4th, 0020: 18:12
Earth Voters' Gamble: Jackpot?
With the votes tallied, the Smith brothers have definitely won the election. What will an Earth run by two Primisidents look like? Only time will tell.
Earth voters appear to be fed up with the usual Primisidents. The election of two Primisidents at once marks a change in the voters' attitudes. Twenty years of a united Earth have brought many unique problems that no single Primisident has been able to handle. Aharam Johnson brought two years of great social and environmental changes, but ignored the economy. Jessica Heilwem virtually eliminated the language barrier between provintates, but other areas suffered. And so on and so forth. The worst has been the problems in managing all the continents equally.
North America enjoyed a level of prosperity in the beginning of the united Earth's creation, but other continent’s frustration at their prior control over world politics have served to make them invisible and mute in most political discussions, being shot down at every opportunity. Even inside, there is turmoil between the former countries over old borders, still being disputed.
South America has largely been concerned with creating and raising robotic pets as of late, and its main concerns seem to be convincing the other continents to buy their new Happy Dragon models, which, at three metres high, are assured to be great family pets.
Antarctica is now known to have the greatest influence over politics, due to their massive numbers. Their once icy, now tropical, weather attracts the population that provides the push behind their proposals. Once an invisible continent, this provintate is now the most powerful of them all.
Europe is a world leader on the Sustainable Solar System Act of 0014, but flounders economically. Their people demand reparations for the Pluto War of 0006, claiming casualties as high as 14 individuals, a record loss in recent history.
Africa enjoys economic stability and its individuals are known to be the wealthiest on Earth, but many are demanding more say in global decision-making, attempting to match their monetary power against Antarctica’s population power. A heated argument threatens to break out at any point.
Asia’s population is so low that some say it is hardly worth counting. They have remarkable social reform, but continue to struggle to make economic gains, mostly due to their small numbers.
Australians’ main concern, at the moment, is the removal of the Things That Explode Without Warning Museumstm chain from their continent. Although it has been globally agreed upon that the chain was a bad idea, the previous Primisidencies have failed to act on this issue.
Most major Earth issues have been resolved. War is a thing of the past, clean water (as well as flavoured and carbonated water) is available everywhere and starvation is unheard of. All that remains to be done is to unite these continents together. Even in this respect, they are closer than they’ve ever been before. These new Primisidents need only to soothe the minor tensions, and we will be living in a golden age. One can only hope it is possible.
- Sandron C. Rosendale
<EarthDweller09> Did you hear about the Smith Twins election?
<GaiaDude777> I voted for them.
<EarthDweller09> Really? I voted for Eturmwnt.
<GaiaDude777> Why?! Everyone loves the twins! They're twins!
<GaiaDude777> But seriously, who could pronounce Eturmwnt? The Smiths had to win.
<GaiaDude777> They pretty much just don't have to do anything stupid.
<EarthDweller09> Like let the Happy Dragons near the Exploding Museums.
<GaiaDude777> At this point, it doesn't really matter who gets in power.
<EarthDweller09> Mmhmm. Anyways, have you been following the OrbBall games?
<GaiaDude777> Who hasn't?
A woman reporter adjusts her biodegradable tie. She accepts a glass from someone and takes a sip of water. Handing it back, she blinks rapidly, then nods at the camera.
"Hello, Earth residents, this is Hasifred Byms, bringing you your daily update."
She turns to look at another camera and smiles, her teeth glinting. "Today is April eighth, and your weather default today is sunny with sparse clouds. Adjust as necessary."
The reporter swivels in her chair again, this time to look at a camera in the ceiling. "Our top story tonight, the Primisidents have decided today that for maximum efficiency, they will each govern half the globe and consult with each other. This decision has brought some controversy over how the globe can united as well as divided, but the Primisidents seem unfazed at this critique, and are poised to begin by noon of the eleventh."
She turns so that her back faces the camera. "In other news, the first chimpanzee professional lawyer-- What do you mean camera twelve? Ah $#%*."
April 16th, 0020: 07:14
New Primisidents’ decisions continue to spark controversy
The Smiths ruffled more feathers today, when Peter X. Smith announced Antarctica, one of the continents he is governing, will have veto power in future global decision-making, due to their huge population.
Many continents have expressed outrage at this decision, not least of all, Africa.
"It’s unreasonable, really," says African Govermier Zwarft. "Just because the Ants have the people power, doesn’t mean they should have ultimate power. Our continent is powering the world’s economy. Where are our special priveleges?"
This is Earth News, keeping you updated. And for when our updates just aren’t fast enough, there’s E-Newstm, the feed installed comfortably and affordably into your eardrum. (Disclaimer: May cause deafness.)
April 17th, 0020: 01:59
The Primisdents are butting heads, but the question on the global citizen's mind is, "How long until bickering turn into bloodshed?"
Ever since world peace was officially declared in 0006, following the ending of the Pluto War, Earth dwellers have been skeptical about long it could last. After fourteen years of peace, the idea of abolishing war for good seems feasible, but recent events have Pacifists nervous.
It is common knowledge now that Peter Y. Smith has declared his brother's decision of granting Antarctica veto power "intolerable", but exactly how far is Y. willing to go to mollify African's outrage on this matter? In a leaked e-document sent between Primisident Y. and his advisors, he is quoted as saying "It is imperative that Africa has equal power with Antarctica in global decision-making. I will not be subservient."
As this controversy continues, other continents have gotten more enraged about being ignored. "If Africa gets veto power as well, where does that leave us?" asks Rescif Frall, an outspoken South American activist. "Or Australians, or North Americans? Europe and Asia have already said they will be teaming up with Africa, but Antarctica has not offered to ally with any provintate, never mind continent. We demand our views be heard."
Tensions worldwide seem to be on the rise, as North America struggles over disputes within the provintates. Although most continents have succeeded in banding together the old "countries", the provintates 12, 13 and 14 (formerly known as Canada, the United States, and Mexico) still have yet to form a cooperative continent. This animosity dates back to before the reset, when 12 and 14 sided against 13 in the endorsement of the Atlantic Aerial Accord. One anonymous source tells us "Things are really heating up here in North America. The X. vs Y. controversy has gotten 12, 13, and 14 more divided than usual. People are really riled up. We're not supposed to talk about it, but there have been some scuffles. There's a 14ian in the hospital after he met up with a group of 12ians, and nobody's saying what happened."
Though most citizens are holding their breath and wishing nothing violent happens, others are exploiting the fear spreading across the oceans. "I hadn't sold a gas mask for sixty years before this," reports one store owner. "But in the last week I've sold eighteen! It's like I've been telling people: you can outlaw war, but don't think that means anybody threw out the weapons."
- Frederik R. Robinsino
<Anonymous64> I can't believe it! Y. asked X. to just hand over Antarctica?
<001Citizen> Pretty much, yeah.
<Anonymous64> What was he thinking?
<Anonymous64> Like X. was really going to be like "Oh sure, please, have the only continent I have worth anything. Go ahead. Sure, I'll just have Australia in exchange."
<001Citizen> Well, it probably would help cool down things. If Antarctica and Africa become a united force, they won't be attacking each other.
<Anonymous64> Yeah, but where does that leave the rest of us? To be happily governed by them, bowing to their every whim?
<001Citizen> It's better than war, isn't it?
<Anonymous64> I don't think anyone's seriously considering war breaking out.
A male reporter, obviously the replacement for the swearing woman reporter, checks his hair in his reflection in the camera lens. He grins at himself and winks. A red light turns on and he turns to look at another camera.
"War broke out today when Anarcticans attempted to take Africa by force."
He looks upward at another camera, smiling inappropriately.
"It is unclear whether this action was endorsed by X., but we do have footage of the attack, taken by satellite webcam. Can you roll that, Barns?"
He turns to watch a screen as it displays shadowy men stepping off a boat. The men walk to a site near a large building, then the picture cuts to later, when one of the men pushes a button and watches the building collapse.
The reporter chuckles and shakes his head.
"We will be reporting on this story further when more information arises."
April 19th, 0020: 21:43
Gaia experiences war for the first time in fourteen years
Primisident Y. of Europe, Asia, Australia and Africa officially declared war today in retaliation to the attack on Africa reported earlier today.
"I won't put up with it," Y. states. "We divided up the continents, and I was the one who requested Antarctica in the first place, but I let him have it. And now he wants Africa, too? This is the final straw."
X. has denied having anything to do with the first attack on African soil, but says, "Fine! He wants it that way? Then he can have it that way. This is war. Winner takes all."
And if you too, wish to have it all, why not purchase a Bagbelle's Gas Masktm? Bagbelle's: because you can never be too safe.
April 23rd, 0020: 05:01
World War IV is officially declared, though the cause might have been bunk. The worry now is not "Do I fight?" but "How do I fight?"
After irresponsible reporting of a standard demolition as an attack on a country, war has been officially declared. Death tolls already outstrip the Pluto War, with casualties in Europe alone in the last few days exceeding fifty.
And is not just Antarctica versus Africa and her allies. North America tensions inside herself have reached an all-time high, and is beginning to wage a war of provintates against pronvintates.
South America and Australia, both sick of being ignored in world politics, have formed an alliance. They have not succeeded in convincing warring North America of joining the alliance, but plan to take it by force. This should not take long, as South America's Happy Dragons, coupled with Australia's new weaponry procured from the Exploding Museums, have proved deadly weapons. North America's unstable state will prove to be a crippling weakness.
The war itself is being fought in a way never seen before. Because of the abrupt announce of the war, and because resources have been pushed aside for fourteen years, people are not sure how to go about having a war. Unfortunately, they are being creative, and effectively so.
The fighting so far has been unorganized and unsophisticated, often hand-to-hand (as transportation across the globe takes so little time now, getting to your enemy continent isn't very difficult). Weapons are being made from anything available. The casualties number grows every hour. One panicked demographer tells Gaia News, "The birth rate world wide has been declining. Most continents populations can simply not take these sort of losses. If things continue as they are, Asia will be wiped out within a week or two, and by the end of the year, only the population of one continent will survive. We thought having a low worldwide population with a good economy was excellent. Now we are seeing the downfall of this."
- Sandron C. Rosendale
<PrimisidentX> If you don't back down, more people are going to die.
<PrimisidentY> What are you worried about? There are plenty of Ants.
<PrimisidentX> That's not the point! Innocent people will die!
<PrimisidentY> Get off your high horse, why don't you back down and save the world?
<PrimisidentX> You were the one who wrongly declared war!
<PrimisidentY> Oh sure, so you get the world?
<PrimisidentX> This is just like High School! You always want what's mine!
<PrimisidentY> You want everything!
<PrimisidentX> Africa's got all the money. That's where the real power is.
<PrimisidentY> I don't want the world.
<PrimisidentY> I just want--
PrimisidentX has signed off.