We were friends before we were lovers.
You watched me break your best friends heart.
I watched as you struggled to keep a relationship aflame,
as her love for you sputtered.
We have never fought.
I've been told that not arguing is not a good thing;
that it shows you are afraid to speak your mind, voice your opinions.
Yet we have never raised our voices to one another in the passion of anger.
I won't fool myself into thinking that it can always be like that-
unrealistic.
However, I'm in no hurry to get back to reality.
I'd rather just wander in our world together.
It's not that we've never disagreed!
However, our sensitive Libra inside is much too sensitive and refined,
causing unrestrained 'dignification'.
It's so natural with you.
The way it started was drugs.
I never thought of you as my potential love.
Figuring we were too good of friends to ever have a relationship.
Looking back, how ridiculous (my favorite word, you probably have guessed!).
MDMA set our minds working,
words flowing off our tongues like silver birds
into the dark and steamy late-summer night.
Smoking, smoking, smoking-
I'm going to end up with lung cancer if i don't stop with the amphetamines.
With a few words, you changed my entire world.
Everything, literally, is flipped, turned, scrambled, inside-out.
It's not that you can read my mind, or solve my problems.
You gave me the tools to do that myself.
I love me. You gave me that, enabled me with that gift of self-love.
I have loved before you.
But you are, first, truly, one and only, forever,
the one that i have been 'in love' with.
I read previously of a node describing 'falling in love';
it's looked for and then completely unexpected-not slipping, waltzing, gliding into love.
I try to dig my heels in,
i try to pull back.
I am so truly terrified.
The fear and the happiness that makes my brain want to explode.
I am such a logical thinker, feeler,
that these illogical feelings with no basis in reality,
nothing tangible,
is such unfamiliar territory.
"When i realized that I should become a writer, it was like looking at a friend
you've had all your life and realizing that you want to marry them."
You are my passion.
I want to marry you.
Do you see the significance in the things i do?
I, the cliche; i hate being a girl.
I've prided myself on thinking like a man.
You ran out of deodorant-
i got that, and matching body spray, and surprised you.
Can you tell I love you?
I grabbed you an extra bag of popcorn because I know you'll want some of mine.
Can you tell I love you?
I run my hands through your hair as you lay beside me.
Can you tell I love you?
I randomly get you Mountain Dew because I know it's your favorite.
Can you tell I love you?
I don't hesitate to share with you-
my ice cream, my cigarettes, my opinions, my body, my thoughts, my random little stories.
My heart, my soul, my everything.
I want you to have anything.
Can you handle me?
I am so intense.
You are my unexpected and you integrate yourself into it all.
I love you.