We're all a collection of influences. Every book, every conversation, every smile affects us, even if we never realize it. I don't know if I can ever fully forget you. I don't even think that I want to.
I remember the two days before you went to visit your aunt. I remember holding you and knowing it would be a month before I could hold you again. I felt a warmth in your touch, a glowing, that I can't find anywhere else. I remember the way the sharpie felt as it moved against your skin, writing out my favourite lyrics about love on your body.
you are a poem
of my senses
broken up to form an image
I remember going to the airport to meet you when you got back. Sitting there with your parents, the awkward silence, and finally the awkward talk about STDs that your mother decided to start. God... I miss her too. And when the plane finally arrived, and you came out the doors.. I never knew happiness like that in my life before you.
I remember university. I remember sleeping over in your room. I remember waking up in the afternoon on weekends, waking up groggy, sweaty, and stiff all over. I could have slept comfortably in my own bed, but I came over and crammed myself in beside you. And I did it happily.
But most of all, it's the little things that I miss. Or rather, the big things that seem little. I miss your eyes. I could stare in them for hours, and I don't care how cliché that sounds. I loved the way they could stare back into mine and not dart away and hide. I miss honest to god eye contact. I miss the way you knew my history, the way I could talk to you about anything.
For the longest time, I wouldn't let myself think about this. I wouldn't let myself miss you, I was too proud, or too scared, I don't really know. It was just easier to try and hate you. After all that we've been through, it just seems like a crime. I sit and think about the end, the way we fought and tore each other's hearts out, and I still can't find a reason to regret it.
I just miss you. I wish we still talked. I wish I didn't have to pretend I don't know you. I wish I could walk around and not be haunted by your ghost.