Ok, to preface this, I was a labop
at an undisclosed university
in the south for about a year
and a half. Not a student
, just a labop
. You may have noticed that I've written a lot of nodes about tech support and system administration
in this style, but dammit
, I'm bitter
Oh, so you thought this was going to be directed at the lusers? Ok, here's a few to make you happy.
- Don't give them information they need to do our jobs. For example, the Administrator password for the NT workstations. It really makes me happy when I have no choice but to restore a workstation with users' work on it.
- Break the workstation image, then apologize profusely. Be sure to claim that you're just 'not smart enough' to fix the problem, and that 'you're working on it'. Then go sexchat on Earthweb.
True story. No shit.
- Set the workstations to reboot every day at 2am, then set the system time incorrectly. Lusers and labops alike love this.
- Make unenforcable policy.
- Listen blindly to everything that's suggested, and implement it without a thought.
- Refuse to fix things that really need fixing, but every time they come up act surprised that it's broken.
- Never give a reason for anything. They're stupid, so 'just because' is plausible.
- Don't reward them. They'll just want more.
- Bang on the keyboard as hard as you can. We like the sound, that's why we work here.
- Feel free to print all the pr0n you want. They love disposing of it.
- Cut all the mouse cords you can.
- Pick a huge phile to print out on the printer. The entire columbia house CD catalog is a good choice. Or any web pages with a metric fuckload of graphics. Set the printer to make 500 copies and then leave the lab.
- Set your default printer to a lab across campus, then leave.
- Pry up that little metal door on your floppy disk. Stick it in a drive then rip it out so that the door is still in the drive. Repeat 3-5 times.
Note: I once pulled 5(five!) of these out of a drive.
- Every time you go into the lab, act like you and the lab operator are good friends. Chit chat with him...Ask him how the family is, etc. Every once and a while ask him his password. Do this every day for several weeks. This works especially well if you happen to be the janitor.
- Ask the lab operator for help with EVERYTHING. Insist that he watch you complete your entire project. After all, they're here to help.
- Most labops will do your homework for you if you're careful. They're ok with it as long as you break it into about 60 questions. Ask them all at once.
- Try to get help with a problem you're having with your computer at home. Be as nonspecific as possible.