If it would fall upon you to handle a
radioactive cat (say, from a
science kit experiment
gone horribly wrong), here are a few
tips:
1. Most cats, upon becoming radioactive, also become very irritable. Therefore, if it becomes neccessary to touch or move the cat,
wear heavy gloves. Unless you really want to be bitten by a radioactive cat. (See:
Spiderman)
2. There is a small chance that the cat will mutate and grow into
gigantic size, and run rampant through downtown
Tokyo (See:
Godzilla). In this case, don't panic.
History shows us that most rampaging monsters will be quickly stopped by a small group of hapless
scientists/
adventurers/
drunks thrown together by random chance. Note, however, that any
beaches used as
litter boxes should be throughly decontaminated. Note that if the cat was your family pet, it is good to prepare an excuse
before talking to your parents/children. (See:
The dog ate my homework).
3. A radioactive cat can also be the result of a botched
quantum physics experiment. (See:
Schrodinger's Cat). Note that such a cat might have experienced a long period of confinement into a small space; a large
decontamination room will be less frustrating for all involved.
4. If you are the
owner of the cat, you must come to terms with the fact that your cat will, most likely,
die. Yes, I said
die.
Death of a
beloved pet is always hard to face, but there are ways to cope. (See:
dead cats,
support group)
If, in spite of all these
suggestions, you are unable to handle your
radioactive cat, you should contact the
proper authorities immediately. (See:
Department of Energy). Good luck to you, and your cat.
This has been a late-night nodeshell rescue. Thank you, and good night.