1. Carefully twist the two chocolate cookies apart in a manner that does not separate the creme in the middle. The idea here is to get all the creme on just one of the cookie halves.
  2. Take the cookie with no creme, dunk it in milk, and eat it in two or three bites.
  3. You are now left with the half with the creme, which is quite obviously the better half. Attempt to twist the creme off this cookie half. This is possible if you move fast enough so the heat of your hands doesn't start to melt the creme.
  4. Dunk the now cremeless half in milk and eat as in step two.
  5. Roll the creme disk between your palms until you get a little creme sphere.
  6. Insert the creme sphere into your mouth and let it slowly melt on your tongue.

Just remember, only the unsophisticated, the uncool, would simply eat an Oreo without disassembling it first.

Foolish mortal! This is not how the gods intend you to go about this vile task! The devouring of an oreo is far more sinister than the manner you have depicted it! This task is more like the murder, no slaughter of the innocent than a lazy sunday afternoon's snack! Dub me uncool if you must, iambic, but I shall bestow upon the masses the truth! I shall spare them your sober musings! Soon we shall strike! Soon we shall stand invincible; reigning above cookies like gods above men! (insert evil laughter here)

Obtain the following items to properly see your way through this quest:
1: Oreo Cookies or Oreoesque substitute
2: Whole milk (no other grade is acceptable)
3: Goblet or other liquid-bearing vessel
4: Sacrificial alter or other surface to stage your goods
5: Psychotropic substances (optional)

Your prime objective:
To begin this quest, first you must prepare you body and soul for the horrors ahead of you. I strongly suggest you numb all of you existential pain by participating in your own manipulation. The psychotropics will aid you with this.

The virgin oreos will be clad with a protective armo(u)r: rip away this shielding to expose the vulnerable bits inside. You may take the following moments to imitate the screams of the 45 oreos in front of you. "OH NO! He's found us! There's no where to run!" You will not be able to hear the oreos terrified pleas for help, but they will be able to hear you. Sieze your victims in one hand and place them on the alter. Fill your vessel with the milk in front of your captives. They will almost certainly be too terrified to even move, but in the case one is not, you must smite him with your fist before he escapes.

Take the first of the oreos between your thumb and index finger and voice his cries mockingly to him as you suspend him over the sacrificial milk. "No! Please! I've done nothing! I have childr- ahhh!!!!" Force him entirely under the liquid. He will struggle for breath. This will be highly visible by the bubbles surfacing. The opacity of the milk will shield your eyes from the terrible, terrible sight. When the bubbling subsides, the oreos have been drown. Remove the now limp body of the cookie and place him squarely on your tongue and devour him in one bite. Onlooking oreos may scream and writhe at the sight of your doings knowing they will be next. Slaughter an entire suggested serving (three cookies) or two (six cookies). Return the remaining Oreos to their prison to await their fate. You may have others practicing this ritual while you are. Giggle manically as needed and go pass out listening to musics.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.