The first day of college; a day of first impressions, unpacking, and tearful goodbyes. I used to envision myself arriving on campus with a carload of t-shirt sheets, organizers, 3-ring binders, CDs, tampons, and towels. My mother seems to have a different mental picture.

As September 9th nears, my whining has reached fever pitch.

"Mom, we need to go shopping! I don't have anythiiing!"

"Don't worry, you're going to be 40 minutes away. We can have your sister drive things down for you later..." It is this oft-repeated line that has forced me to revise my vision.

September 9: Anxiously, I bolt out of bed and sprint to the bathroom to brush my teeth. In the mirror, I see a confident, emotionally prepared eighteen year old girl. My signature baby hairs spike from my forehead, and I figure, 'hell, I can take a shower when I get there, no biggie'

After breakfast we board the minivan and drive down route 2 towards College. A short 40 minutes later, we pull up in front of my dorm, a beautiful brick building reputed as the party house with a four story beer funnel. Nervous energy swells in my stomach and I take a deep breath. With only a poster in tote, I bounce out of the car onto the sidewalk where many other Freshman are heaving cardboard boxes and rubber trunks and tupperware out of their station wagons and SUVs. For some reason, they're all staring at me.

Whoops, I guess during my episode of anxiety, I forgot to put on clothes...

"Don't worry, you're going to be 40 minutes away. We can have your sister drive clothes down for you later..."
Ok, there are worse things in the world than arriving to school naked. Resourcefully, and with the swift arm snap of a kung fu master, I whip out my gigantic poster to cover my torso.

More stares. I don't know about these uncultured ruffians, but I don't think there is anything weird about a 60" x 40" picture of my dad, with a sheepish grin, getting his hair cut with a yellow FLOWBIE. Yes, one of those wonderful vacuum cleaners that amazingly sucks and cuts your hair into chic shag coiffs.

My mom thought that it would be nice to blow up my favorite picture so that I could be guaranteed no friends during my first year.

My sweet, cute suitemates, Jessica, Jessica and Kayla appear to have mixed feelings towards me. On the one hand, due to my failure to pack, they have more space to place their essentials; on the other hand, I'm NAKED and carrying a poster-sized FLOWBIE photograph.

"See you later hun, I'll work on having Jen bring your stuff, ok?"

Slightly embarrassed and exhausted from the whole ordeal, I hop into the shower to relax. All I can do is rinse, because I forgot soap. When I get out, Jessica from California reminds me of the house meeting that started 5 minutes ago. Soaking wet and late for my first meeting, I quietly tiptoe into the spacious house room where about 70 Freshmen are leisurely chatting on old sofas. Everyone turns to see me shivering, in the corner, with a puddle of water rapidly forming around my bubble gum pink toenails. I giggle and mutter broken phrases "He he... drip brain...mushy goo...uh...towel."

Fortunately after a sticky, restless night of laying on my plastic covered mattress, my sister, my savior, pulls up with the FLOWBIE the next morning and throughout campus word spreads...

"Hey, have you seen that new naked girl? She's giving out free shag haircuts in Pack hall...."

And THAT, my friends, is how I will become the most popular Freshman at College.

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