Horry Patter and the Philologer's Stone
By fawnmod
Published on FanFiction.Net, 2017


Horry Patter and the Philologer's Stone (HPatPH) is a half-written Harry Potter fanfic. It is looking like it will probably be a rationalist fanfic, although it's a bit early to tell. And yes, even so, it is worth reading the rest of this review, and perhaps, even starting in on the the story itself.

The story has three themes that define it. The first is that Horry Patter is a young boy who has spent the last nine years living with his abusive uncle and his family. Horry lives in, and is often locked in, a small cupboard under the stairs. One day, a large man comes, breaks down the door, and kidnaps Horry. There is no event in this setup that is not traumatic. The original Harry Potter might have been actually pretty much okay after nearly a decade of abuse (oh, and also a kidnapping), but Horry is much more realistic, and therefore, much less happy.

But all is not as dark as it seems! Horry is, he is told, a warizard, and he has been abducted to Chogbort's to receive training in the confusing arts. He is welcome to go home to the Durblys at any time, but look at this cool library! And also, as Horbid points out, Voltabort-He-Who-Must-Be-Named will kill him if he leaves. Yep, it's all like that. You get used to it.

But... despite this being a dark and silly tale, there is a glimmer of hope. Horry is actually sensible -- something that magick is not -- and starts running experiments to try to make sense of it all. At the time of this writing HPatPH is only nine chapters long, and preliminary results are inconclusive, but it is apparent that Horry has already made more inroads into the ontology of magick than Harry Potter ever did.

HPatPH's main hook is that it lampshades all the silliness and childishness of the original series, and starts wedging some real-world considerations into an otherwise inane world. For example, Horry has to deal with a completely different economy than Harry, for the simple reason that magick makes things out of nothing, resulting in a market that values new spells much more than material items. Because this is the """real""" world, we have things like a corporately sponsored fifth house tacked onto Chogbort's, the Room of Requirement being used as a therapy room for traumatized children (rather than a one-off plot device), and Longitudin Alley being covered in gaudy magickal advertisements.

It's early days yet, but so far HPatPH is shaping up to be one of the better Harry Potter fanfics. And even more, it's pretty good. Overall, I can only recommend it if you are familiar with the Harry Potter universe and have a high tolerance for nonsense words, but under those conditions, it's worth a gander.


I should note that the name 'Horry Patter' is not an invention of fawnmod, but is a long-running meme of uncertain origin and form. It generally involves a herp derp corruption of the Harry Potter movies, often with the intent of introducing annoying and stupid elements. HPatPS does not quite fit in with the existing memeplex, being quite a bit more coherent.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.