There was a sort of twisting feeling in her stomach; one that she knew was here to stay for a long time to come. Have you ever done something so terrible to someone you love? Has the guilt stayed with you through your entire life? Do you wake up every day with a sort of sinking feeling in the pit of your heart, a feeling that reminds you every day of the monster that you have become? She knew this feeling would stay, would add on to the guilt that already weighed her shoulders down, twisted her knees, her feet growing sore with the weight she carried all day.

Sometimes we do things without rationally thinking them through – well, a lot of the time. This was not one of those times. No explanation could be made for this. This death. This rot and decay that was already starting to smell, the blood that stained her hands.

A dagger, his heart, and a piercing shriek that had come from the one she had never ceased to love. There had been plenty of time to think it through… She had done this to keep him hers forever, just like they had always said.

The story is the same as most young lovers. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they fall madly in love and ride off into the sunset.

Turmoil always boils in a relationship sooner or later. If it’s nothing than smooth sailing all the way, either you’re both incredibly lucky, or more realistically, you have a lot of things to say to each other, but you bottle it up inside in fear of the other turning on you. This had been brought on by the former. For years they promised each other they would stay together forever, they’d never let each other go. Songs and sonnets were written endlessly for each other, relentless love never seemed to unveil their eyes.

It is a frightening thing to realize you are going to stay with one person for the rest of your life. Most people aren’t ready for it, even as they get old. Most people seem to get used to the idea after time, and some run away, even from the one they love the most. This was his choice, not hers.

He hadn’t even been given a chance to leave. Never in the four years they had been together had a fight erupted from either one of them. They smiled, held hands, made love, lived together and did everything together. They swore their love would be true until the end of the earth, until the stars died out and pigs could fly. This choice, however, was hers.

You cannot force a man to belong to you, neither can you force a woman. You can not ask a man to make these promises to you, and you most definitely can’t suffocate him, leaving him no space to breathe or come up out of the water for air. She did this slowly to him without either of them realizing it. She did it so subtly, so carefully that he didn’t notice a thing.

After so much of one thing you will grow tired of it, you will want to break away, even for a little while.

A proposal was made, but not a marriage proposal as she had expected. He proposed to her that he move out, they take a break and see other people – not indefinitely, just because he thought they were so serious and he wanted to make sure she was the right one.

Normally any girl would get angry over this, would cry, would plead. She did all of this. Normally most girls don’t murder their boyfriend over this. Some do, yes – but most don’t.

He would be staying with her for another month while he found a new place to stay. The last night he was to stay, it was a full moon and the stars were out. Outside it looked almost as if it were the day time. The stars shone and twinkled, small raindrops were coming down ever so mistily.

She had been planning, and it all would come down to this. She devised a sort of Romeo and Juliet type of ending. It seemed very appropriate, just as this night seemed most appropriate.

He was a heavy sleeper, and slept on his back. She crawled on top of him and kissed his lips ever so softly. A choking whisper of, “I love you,” escaped her mouth. A tear fell onto his chest and he stirred slightly. She raised the dagger above her head and thrust it down into his beating heart. A choking sound, a scream, and he was gone. She stared for a moment at where the dagger still stabbed his heart. She remembered what it had looked like before the dagger had been there. She had kissed that place many times, rested her head there, touched him there. She removed the dagger, and went to look at herself in the mirror. She stared at her hands, now realizing that she had really done it. All the while she had half convinced herself that she would not really do it, that this was just a big plan to keep her mind on something else, to focus her anger somewhere else so she wouldn’t have to think about it any more. Wouldn’t have to think about living without him. Now she would have to live without him, she would if she decided to keep living. Would she? She would get caught for sure. Or would she? She had seen enough of those forensic files shows to know how to cover up any evidence that he had been killed there… But there was just so much she wasn’t sure she could live with. Would she be able to carry this guilt? This wasn’t something that went away over time. Would she be able to form some sort of new identity?

What kind of life could she possibly lead now? Nothing substantial, nothing worth having. They’d know who did it and they would ruin her chance at ever leading a normal life.

She took a last look at herself in the mirror. She kissed the mirror and waved at herself. She wiped away her tears and smiled meekly at herself. “I love you,” she said to herself. “Honey, I’ll see you in hell.”

She climbed into bed, curled up next to her man, and thrust the dagger straight into her own heart.

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