of the Simpson family on TV's The Simpsons
. Homer was born on May 12, 1956 in Springfield
and Mona Simpson
. Right from the start Homer took to eating; his father found him sucking on a pizza slice in the hospital just following his birth. Young Homer had his share of adventures as a child. Once after trying a little beer
, Homer and his friends wrapped his little red wagon around a tree. The group resolved on that day to never drink again.
One of little Homer's favorite memories is when his parents would tuck him in at night. His father would read him stories (and give him a sip of Nyquil) and his mother would sing him to sleep (by singing commercial jingles). When Homer was six years old his father told him that his mother had died while he was at the movies. In reality his mom had run off to join a hippie commune after becoming bored and frustrated with life with Abe (and in an effort to flee from the police that were searching for her in connection to a protest crime). Left to be raised by his father, Homer grew up like most boys of the day: he had a heavenly singing voice that changed to his trademark tone, he and his friends discovered a dead body in the local swimming hole, and at age seventeen Homer bought his first bottles of beer by using a fake ID (his fake name was Brian McGee). Not long after this incident Homer sent his friend Barney Gumbel down a path of alcoholicism (on the night before the SATs, no less).
Homer's most defining moment came during his senior year of high school when he met Marge Bouvier in the detention hall. He was immediately lovestruck with her and asked her to the prom, only to be rejected. Undaunted, Homer tricked Marge into staying up late the night before her big forensics competition to help tutor him in French (a class he wasn't even taking). As the two grew closer, Homer asked her to the prom again and this time she accepted. However, when she found out the whole evening had been a manufactured ploy, she broke the date and stormed out. Nevertheless, Homer went to the prom solo and watched Marge (and her date Artie Ziff) from afar. That night, after Artie's "busy hands" ruined any chance of a relationship between him and Marge, she found Homer walking along the side of the road, picked him up, and apologized for becoming angry at him. The two began dating soon after. On one of these dates Homer and Marge wound up at Sir Pitch n' Putt's Mini Golf. Cuddling close in the course's windmill hole, the two drank a lot of beer and had a lot of sex. This night led to the conception of the couple's son, Bart ("We drank so much that night, I thought Bart would be born a dimwit!"). Forced to get a job, Homer applied at the then-new Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Homer took an entry-level position as a supervising technician that provided him with enough pay to keep his family financially afloat.
With the pregnancy in full swing, Homer and Marge were married at a little chapel off the interstate. The two moved into a little apartment on Springfield's east side and, before long, Bart Simpson was born. Bart was a little hellion from day one. He was fond of jumping on to Homer's ample gut, flushing Homer's keys down the toilet, and swinging from a clothesline high above the city street. Another magical evening between Homer and Marge led to the birth of their first daughter, Lisa. With their meager apartment now too small for the four of them, the family moved into a home on Evergreen Terrace. By the mid-1980s Homer had earned enough money to be able to quit his job at the power plant and take a job as a pin monkey at the local bowling alley. He revelled in his new happiness until learning that Marge was pregnant again. Forced with another mouth to feed, Homer returned to his job at the power plant. Maggie, their third child, was born days later.
In 1989 Homer was fired from the power plant and became a crusader for safety. When he began a protest against Mr. Burns, the owner of the power plant, he was hired back as the plant's safety inspector. This new job was not Homer's last, however. In the years following he took many other jobs, including:
- imitation Krusty
- snow plow driver
- food critic
- conceptual artist
- grease salesman
- bodyguard for the mayor
- Country Western manager
- garbage commissioner
- mountain climber
- celebrity assistant
- power plant worker
- fortune cookie writer
- beer baron
- Kwik-E-Mart clerk
- security guard
- junior vice president of his own Internet company, CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet
- oil well worker
- sugar salesman
- telephone scammer
- sideshow freak
- Sprawl-Mart greeter
Homer was finally reunited with his long-lost mother in the late 1990s when she came to Springfield to visit Homer's grave (a mixup had declared him dead). The two finally had the chance to talk after all these years.
Homer has had his share of medical procedures. In the early 1990s he had a triple bypass operation after suffering several heart attacks. An April Fool's Day prank gone wrong put Homer in a coma for several weeks. Homer donated a kidney to his father several years later after his own carelessness led to Abe's kidneys exploding. Although relucant to go into surgery, Homer eventually made the choice and went ahead with the transplant... only to run away before the actual procedure. After being crushed by a car Homer was returned to the hospital where the doctor helped himself to a kidney while puting Homer's blood back into his body.
Poor Homer was never the brightest bulb in the lamp, and his stupidity has become his trademark. If it's a dumb idea, Homer is sure to come up with it. Perhaps its this enduring quality that makes him so liked by his friends and neighbors. We can only guess what wacky adventures he'll have between now and the time the show becomes unprofitable. Want to e-mail Homer? His address is firstname.lastname@example.org.
A steel trap of a memory