I don't have the energy for crushes anymore.
I used to thrive on it,
the sweet joy of hearing
that he said something nice about me,
the way my heart would race
when I saw him at his locker,
after walking by it 20 times.

And yes,
even the pain of seeing him
smile at another girl,
oh I would cry my eyes out,
but even in that I could revel
in how deep my love was.

(Usually for someone i barely knew,
but upon whom I had transferred
all of my hope and fantasy.)

Now it's different.
After being single
(and loving it)
I let myself fall.
I indulged in a willing suspension of disbelief,
telling myself that I could take it,
because I had accepted that
no love is forever,
but a summer fling
can be a beautiful escape from reality
for a time.

But hurting isn't fun anymore
and I am going home
to winter.

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