stet: I'm not coming back to you
stet: How many times do I have to tell you?
stet: Let it sink in.
stet: Absorb it.
The glare of the computer screen amplified the anger and frustration behind the words. Staring at them, reading them over and over, Jenn could feel the pain building
behind her eyes. The strain to focus on them, to understand them, to decide if this were some nightmare or if reality had taken yet another U-turn
on her causing her vision to blur at the edges with the onset of a tension headache.
The cursor blinked in her reply box but she made no move over the keyboard. Slowly she lifter her fingers off A S D and F and picked up her cell phone. After thumbing through her txt inbox she found it, the message he had sent her
You are my first true love, my best friend in the world. I'm trying, I am. I know I fail, but I'm trying.
She remembered the conversation they'd had after he had sent her the message. How adament he'd been that she understand he loved her, his love hadn't changed. That he wasn't looking for someone else, he loved her
. He didn't love her as a friend, it was more than that. And now he was saying this, changing his mind and conveniently forgetting his promise of love
She stared at the words no longer illuminated on her phone, then back at the glare of the computer screen. Her eyes traveling back and forth, her heart trying to decide which was the truth. It was getting to the point that even she couldn't tell dream from reality anymore.
stet: There are just some things I can't get over.
Anger was building inside her, quickly masking the pain and causing her to illicit a rapid succession of click-click-click
from her keyboard; her thumb slamming on the return key.
Mercury7: What things?
stet: Your interest in cartoons.
stet: You have nothing to say. No opinions.
stet: You're lazy.
Worse than the time he told her he could always leave her because Sera still wanted him
, worse than the time he'd told her his father thought she wasn't good enough for him and worse than the time he'd told her he was leaving her because she wasn't an artist. Of all the things he'd said to her in the past few months, this was the the most damaging to her heart
Mercury7: You don't even know who I am.
Her eyes swept around her room as she fought the urge to scream at the falseness of his words
. She had an opinion all right, and right now it was that he was the biggest ass she'd ever met. She took in the clutter, the piles of books, the sketches, the prints, the paintings leaning against the walls and the little things here and there that reminded her he had been there only two weeks earlier. He had no idea who she was.
Mercury7: What interest in cartoons?
Mercury7: That's news to me.
stet: You kept talking about it while you were here.
stet: My father had a field day.
at the mention of his father. He always did know how to twist the knife when he was looking like a bastard in a conversation. Like some wild card, his father only came out on special occasions
Mercury7: Once. I mentioned it once.
Mercury7: Anime is not the same as Bugs Bunny.
Mercury7: And I am NOT lazy. I resent that
stet: You are lazy!
stet: You are a lazy fuck!
stet: How many times did I ask you what you had done only to have you say nothing?
She closed her eyes against the tears as the thought How many times did I tell you nothing when I had been seeking the perfect Christmas present? When I had been hunting down the perfect thing for your birthday or trying to design the best card I could for you? How many times did I tell you nothing because I'd been thinking about you all day...
ran through her mind in a frustrated scream.
Mercury7: I told you nothing because it was the same thing every day.
Mercury7: I told you nothing because it was nothing interesting
stet: How many times did I have to ask you?
stet: How many times?
Mercury7: I was reading. I was drawing. I was working. I was doing..things. Just nothing interesting enough to go on and on about.
Mercury7: You don't know me at all.
Tears were rolling down her cheeks in the silent room, the white light from the computer screen adding the only glow she knew she had now. Maybe forever.
stet: I can't believe I thought you did nothing.
I can't believe I was loving you unconditionally while you were judging my every word.