*
I was truly an island
or as close as it gets
in constant search and hunger
for something else and something better
out from the shadow of family
the shadow of home
locked in a counter-intuitive notion:
escape so that I could connect
I was 14 years old
on the inside looking out
and the hardest thing to learn
was how to do without
*
I wasted so much time trying
to keep them from being upset
I not only ran out of willpower,
I found a reason to quit
you can't just keep on sympathizing
with the unsatisfyable
I had to learn to let go of it
my desire, and my identity
I was 25 years old
there was no such thing as fair
and the hardest thing to learn
was that if you don't always care then you don't care
*
I gained a lot from learning how to garden
gained a lot from owning a home
it took time for me to learn how to tend to things
having been so possessed--a life I couldn't call my own
all that time I spent trying
to get back what I felt was taken
trying in vain to undo what I perceived as
someone else's mistakes
now I'm 68 years old
and even peace is still a struggle
the hardest thing to learn
is forgiveness
October, 2020