i wrote this a while ago at
h2g2 but i guess the editors
never really liked it. oh well. another
hamster-related
node from
yours truly.
A Man and His Animals
Since the
dawn of time,
man has sought to dominate the
earth and
all its
inhabitants. He first began with the slow-moving beasts such
as the
cow, ox, and
sheep. When these animals failed to
present a
challange to him, man strove to
domesticate the faster, slightly
more
intelligent creatures like the
cat and
dog. In recent centuries,
humans have undertook the task of taming traditionally
wild animals
such as lions,
tigers, bears, and
octopi. However, since there is
nothing to gain from these animals in terms of productivity, man has
decided to
degrade them and force them to perform for his
amusement. Elephants, dolphins,
seals, birds, and many other
perspicacious creatures routinely engage in frivolous acts designed
to entertain the less-descriminating tastes of the common man.
Seeking a challenge that he has not yet conquered, man now looks
to his final, climactic battle with the undomitable
spirit of. . .the
hamster.
Hamster History
Renowned the world over for its disarming
cuteness, the hamster is
still a mystery to man. "Surely this furry
fiend is up to no good," the
first person to encounter the hamster must have mused, "for he
sleeps all day and goes about his business in the dark coverings of
night as if he has something to hide." From this suspicion arose a
desire to gain dominion over the
brute and indeed, the hamster was
soon domescticated and became a
staple in the
family pet trade.
The "Joys" of Revolving Rodents
This is where the
story should end, but instead, it takes a sickening
turn. A hamster is not the most agile of animals. The only physical
blessings the hamster seems to have been given is the ability to
squeeze through small openings and shove things into its cheeck pouches. Surely, the hamster was never
meant to
dance. But some individual, thinking only of the end
profit
and nothing of the animal's
welfare, chose to inflict this unnatural
horror upon the hamster. All
day, all night, the hamsters at
HamsterDance.com are subjected to this unmerited
punishment.
There should have been an outcry from the general
public, or at
least from
PETA to stop the cruelty, but there was none. In fact,
there was
laughter. Maniacal,
evil laughter that only perpetuated the
wrongdoing and condoned the sin. The public has neither
shame
nor
conscience.
And the hamsters dance on.