(LA, California) Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the Hacker
Barbie. These new dolls will be released next month. The aim of these
dolls is to revert the stereotype that women are numerophobic, computer-illiterate,
and academically challenged.
This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own X-terminal
and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell" series.
The Barbie is robed in a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of worn-out jeans with
Casio all-purpose watches and thick glasses that can set ants on fire. Pocket
protectors and HP calculators optional. The new Barbie has the incredible
ability to stare at the screen without blinking her eyes and to go without
eating or drinking for 12 hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of
technical terms such as IP address, TCP/IP, kernel, NP-complete, and Alpha
"We are very excited about this product," said John Olson, Marketing
Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage
incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." A year ago, Mattel released Barbie
dolls that say, "Math is hard," with condescending companion Ken.
The Hacker Barbie's Ken is an incompetent consultant who frequently asks Barbie
The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of Barbie
dolls. Naomi Wolf says, "I believe that these new dolls will finally
terminate the notion that women are inherently inferior when it comes to
mathematics and the sciences. However, I feel that Ken's hierarchical
superiority would simply reinforce the patriarchy and oppress the masses."
Mattel made no comment.
Parents, however, are worried that they would become technologically behind
by comparison to the children when the Hacker Barbie comes out. "My
daughter Jenny plays with the prototype Hacker Barbie over yonder for two
days," says Mrs. Mary Carlson of Oxford, Mississippi, "and as y'all
know, she now pays my credit card bill. Ain't got no idea how she duz it, but
she surely duz it. I jus don't wanna be looked upon as a dumb mama." Mattel
will be offering free training courses for those who purchase the Hacker Barbie.
The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal with the
complex aspects of Barbie. Hacker Barbie Goes to Jail will teach computer ethics to youngsters,
while BARB1E R1TES L1KE B1FF!!! will serve as an introduction to expository