Something in my soul
knows great physical pain
. Speeding along in a car or train
I get transported by a great fear
, but strangely, not the ordinary fear of a crash
yet to arrive - but one of anticipating an already familiar
I keep thinking that this time I'll know the signs of impending doom...this time I'll grab hold of the railing that split second before, and hold on tight, as I don't want to fly across the train car yet again. It hurt too much last time. Less pain, less injury, I might survive this time. I know the sound and feel of a horrible crash.
I can also perfectly visualize my body falling into the wind, slamming, and flopping around on highway concrete, though these thoughts are nowhere near pleasant and I try to focus focus elsewhere every time they hit. I don't black out until after my skull hits around a few times. My legs, Oh God, my legs.
These moments flash by me all-too-frequently when I travel. What I wonder is if this is established knowledge from a past life? Or do I just watch too much TV? Hm, I don't even have a TV. And is my being a masochist in this life a less gruesome re-enactment of that? Reliving the trauma in a way that it all works out okay?
All I do know is that in this life I just want to die in peace.
Death be not proud, for I already know your taste.