CONGRATULATIONS! # 47045305577 You have just qualified in our Matzo Program. See store for details. Offer expires 4/26/14 and is non-transferrable.
I grocery shop every few days, HAD NO IDEA what this message at the bottom of the grocery receipt meant, so I asked at the courtesy desk. Fats Domino was singing Blueberry Hill over the intercom.
The front end manager explained, "Because you purchased over $200, you are entitled to a five pound box of matzoh. Aisle 2."
Surprised, I said, "But I'm not Jewish."
She snorted, "Take a look at the food pantry box on the way out...overflowing with matzoh."
This woman needs hip replacement and rarely smiles. She continued, "I have a friend who is half-Jewish, dips matzoh in melted chocolate and ground walnuts. To die for," she winked.
I told her I have this ongoing discussion with my sons about Jesus being Jewish, so I'll just wrap a one pound box to put in their Easter baskets, thinking I don't want to kill anyone with chocolate-dipped matzoh.
We'll color boiled eggs; taxes will be paid; windowboxes will be full of pansies. Tulips and hyacinths will scent the air. Perhaps all will be well. Perhaps even my mother's 90th birthday will go smoothly, occurring this year after National Arbor Day and before the Sunday of Divine Mercy.