Those of you who remember my write up here, my first serious node, might remember it differently. What was here before was an angry and very personal rebuttal of the iriefrank’s piece. Now I have gained some insight into a few things I have re-written it entirely, mostly for my own benefit.
I am still amazed that someone can so flippantly dismiss an entire sector of the population as psychotic’s because of a bad experience. It is an illness, and like all illness it must treated like such - recognise the symptoms and deal with them.
I know that for a lot of people being faced with a
relationship that involves someone who is essentially going to make you’re life a living
hell for as long as they see you can be off putting, but the rewards are so much greater. Personally I owe a
life debt to my boyfriend, now just a good friend, I would have been
dead if He
"avoided me at all costs". The boy, who should be writing instead of me, has gone through more than I’ll ever be able to
make up. His eyes have changed in the three years I’ve known him, there is a new
wisdom there and sometimes I can see a new
sadness. He has
forgiven everything I’ve done, maybe sometimes when he shouldn’t have, and he is still here, very much in love with despite the fact
I am what I am.
The point I am trying to make is that even though we can be the worst people in the world we can also be the best, we are the best friends, the best lovers and the best companions. We have the ability to mould ourselves to you yet remain totally unique in all ways. But we are also people, with feelings, every time I do something maybe a non BPD person wouldn’t do I feel worse than they will ever feel. Every time we see ourselves changing and become someone else it is scary. Can you imagine waking up one day and not knowing the face in the mirror? Can you imagine setting out to destroy in one day everything you have built up in your life? Ultimately I know I am not the center of the universe and I know that the one who gets hurt more, the one who faces the consequences is me. Have you any idea how hard it is to lay in the aftermath of an annihilated life knowing you only have yourself to blame? I have rebuilt my life so many times know I have lost count.
We are all messed up in one way or another why dismiss a person because of their label? Why throw away a chance to know someone wonderful just because you’re scared of suffering? Life is indeed tough sometimes and if you can’t handle that I suggest you look for a big rock and climb under it.