We gather here today to mourn the passing of Creative Thought. Specifically, Creative Thought within the movie industry.
About ten years ago, Creative Thought was brutally murdered by The Reboot, a serial killer that has been striking again and again, especially during the summer blockbuster months.
What is The Reboot? It's when money-grabbing Hollywood execs decide to start a best-selling franchise over again from the beginning. And it's rather annoying.
Let's review.
The Batman series: REBOOTED
James Bond: REBOOTED
Star Trek: REBOOTED
G.I. Joe: REBOOTED
Spiderman: REBOOTED
Transformers: REBOOTED
Terminator: REBOOTED
Must I continue?
Granted, a lot of the reboots are good. You know why? Because the originals were good. So logically, restarting said series over again with cutting-edge special effects and hot young actors is going to mean quality. But here's the thing - I don't care.
I saw Star Trek. It was great. And the summer before, I saw the Dark Knight. Also solid. But have we finally run out of ideas? Hollywood is filled with desperate, poor, creative people who are sitting on dynamite screenplays. Do we really need another Terminator movie? Does anyone really feel excited about the new G.I. Joe flick (which, to add insult to injury, is also jumping on the Superhero movie bandwagon)?
NO!
"I have an idea! Let's take a movie/show that used to be really popular, and remake it with an actor who is kinda popular now."
"That's a great idea! But what if it's a really dopey concept that will seem lame and out of date today?"
"That's why Lord Satan blessed us with corporate advertising!"
Land of the Lost sucked back then. Adding Will Ferrel and hundreds of thousands of dollars in CGI isn't going to make it into a modern classic. I love Will Ferrel. And expensive CGI. But they ain't nothin when the story is stale.
So now let us join together as we mourn the passing of Creative Thought in the movie industry, and let us lock our doors at night, because the Reboot is still at large, and who knows how long it'll be 'til they get him.