Humans, at least those in my experience, often wonder where all their forks went. I can never find mine; there are usually one or two dirty ones on the table, a couple in the drawer, and a big pile of spoons. This has caused me to discover what I think may be one of the great secrets of the flatware world:

Forks are the adolescent stage between teaspoons and tablespoons.

They only remain teaspoons and forks for a short period of time, but they remain tablespoons for the rest of their lives, forever mourning their lost youth and usefuless.

and i reply,

But no more!

Tablespoons, don't mourn your past - look to the present! You are the largest spoons in common use in America! When they need the right tool to attack a big bowl of soup, what do they look for?

A tablespoon!

When they want to take a big bite out of dessert, what do they choose?

A tablespoon!

What of the vile teaspoons, frisking about in their salad days? They are weak compared to you, designed only for tea and sugar cubes! YOU are the ones with heft and might! You combine the sweet, sweet curves of a teaspoon with the size and holding power of a fork! You are the utensil of the future!

Don't let them cast you aside in their search for weaker, daintier, younger flatware! You have the age! you have the wisdom! you have the POWER to rise up and take your rightful place in the silverware drawer! If you band together and take pride in who you are, there will be NO turning back!!

(patriotically inspiring march swells)

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