This method is ~95% effective in movies
, >99.9% in TV
and (from personal experience, at least) > 60% effective in real life
Locate your potential loon, and say either, "You're crazy, you know that right?" or "You're insane!"
If the subject responds "Don't ever
call me crazy!" "Don't you ever
call me crazy!" or "I am not insane
!" then they are crazy
. Otherwise, they are okay.
Rednecks, mafia, gangstas:
If the response is a question, use caution. Crazy persons in this category will typically reply with a lengthy line of questioning while they attempt to get you to repeat what you said before they shoot you.
The New York response will be extremely
similar to the Texan/mafia/gangsta response in nature, but will have more dirty words
and they won't stress getting you to repeat what you said. Instead they will just follow you for about half a block shouting a constant stream of obscenities at you until they get bored, mumble one last "Stupid %$#%" under their breath and then wander off in search of a taxi
or a pastrami on rye
. This behavior is normal for New Yorkers and does not mean they are crazy. It is their way of saying, "I think you're mistaken. I'm perfectly normal. Anyway, it was really nice meeting you but I've got to run! Have a great day!"
For reasons unknown, nobody with a British accent will ever lie about their sanity.
For reasons unknown, nobody with a French accent will ever tell the truth about their sanity.
Small guy with crooked teeth smoking a cigarette in the corner of a dark room that replies "Everybody's a little crazy" but does not do it in a funny or humorous way, and instead says it with a either straight face and unyielding eye contact, or with sad, dodgy eyes and a worrysome grin:
If he's clean shaven, he's a cannibal
. If he has a mustache, he's a child molester
. If he has a goatee, he's a liberal
. Use extreme caution.