One of the things that have always bound noders together as a species is their love for having adventures inside of public toilets. It has been like that since 1999, and is likely to continue being the glue that holds everything2 together well into the future.

Adventures are one thing. They can take many forms. Some involve fighting a series of foes inside the friendly confines of the public toilet. Others involve extracting yourself after a hand comes up out of the toilet while you are sitting on it and FIRMLY takes hold of your junk with a mechanical "grabbing motion." These adventures rarely yield treasure, aside from the experience points that you accumulate in successfully navigating the challenges of the adventure. (Morrin et Waverly, "Items for a Modern Recollection," Modern Humanities, issue 341).

As an aside, I will say it is no joke that in 2006, a noder was famously taking what he called a "long chili-based crap" when a mechanical hand coming out of the toilet took such firm hold of his testicles that the nickname "Mashed Potatoes" followed him for the rest of his days - this is seriously no joke so do not laugh. So many bad things can happen when you node and most noders aren't aware of more than a very small percentage of these bad things. It has long been a problem, and why so many noders are no longer with us. They went into public toilets unprepared. They formed experimental communities in red states. They went to Africa thinking it would be "fun." None of these noders are still with us. Remember that.

Public toilets are no joke, despite the work that stand-up comedians and rom-coms have done to try to make it seem like they are just some big joke. I was once in a public toilet when a pair of hands reached up from inside the drain, grabbed my labia, stretched it more than eight inches, and then injected it with some kind of fluid. I now have to have myself drained once a week so that I can continue having casual sex. It is exhausting and certainly no joke.

All this is why, if you are seeking to find treasure in public toilets, that you need to go into it without naivity. You must accept that there are dangers in public toilets. Most of these dangers involve hands coming out of different areas in the public toilet, most generally out of the toilet itself. When an ungodly hand, one that has been rejected by God himself, comes out of a toilet drain and latches onto your sentitive body parts, you will question no longer. You will no longer question anything. You will learn to accept. And this is how it needs to be. Otherwise, society breaks down because there are no rules.

A lot of people make the mistake of believing that treasure is found only in ornate wooden chests at the bottom of the ocean. This is incorrect. Most treasure is found in backpacks left behind in public toilets, knapsacks left behind in public toilets, purses left behind in public toilets, and wallets that fall out of people's pants in public toilets. These things are yours if you want them, free and clear. What is left behind in public toilets is the property of the community. Check local bylaws. You will see the correctness in my speech. You will not doubt it. Penalties exist for doing so.

If you want to discover treasure, begin living much of your life in public toilets. This will not raise your social standing but it will increase your chances of picking up and extra twenty bucks every now and then. Seize the day. Change your life. Move into a public toilet. Let people know. Grow as a person. Start a blog. Become an influencer.

A 2007 noder survey revealed that 40% of noders have tasted human feces and 23% found it to their liking. If these figures don't concorn you, then God help you.

Because of terrorism, many backpacks and other items left behind in public toilets are not filled with treasure, but instead explosives. You have to be careful in this regard. Usually, if you don't hear any ticking, there is no explosive. This is practically universal and a good rule of thumb. (Davis,J., World Reality Review, Volume 52, Issue 5, pgs 13-23).

A good rule of thumb is a good rule of thumb to have, especially if you are looking for treasure. This is also universal in nature and cannot be questioned. If you hear someone question this, it is completely legal to hit them in the face with a beer bottle, full or empty.

In conclusion, go forth and look for treasure in public toilets, but be aware of the dangers and the history. A foolish person is one who goes blindly into places without doing research first. I have done your research for you.

Happy hunting!

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