Ratings for the Olympic Games have been waning in the past few years, and it's time to add some excitement to the foray by introducing some new, updated events! Every year we watch our respective countries battle it out with other countries from around the world in events such as archery, cycling, fencing, tennis, figure skating, luge, hockey, and others. These events have been a staple of the Olympic games for as long as they have been broadcast. However, it's time to make some additions.
It's a well known fact that some events receive a larger viewing audience than others. Figure Skating, for example, seems to be tremendously more popular than say Curling. These events, while still important to the overall ratings of each country's team, aren't as popular as the larger events.
So why not add Fellatio and Cunnilingus to the event roster? I guarantee that you will see a significant jump in audience viewership if these sports became Olympic events. People, who before wouldn't have given a second thought to the Olympics, are suddenly tuning in by the hundreds of thousands.
The fellatio and cunnilingus events would be judged in exactly the same manner as figure skating:
These items are the exact specifications set forth by the United States Olympic Committee for the judgement of the figure skating event. They can migrate exactly as they are to the fellatio and cunnilingus events with absolutely no modification. I also envision two different categories for each portion, bringing the total number of events to four.
The freestyle events would leave the performance characteristics to the decision of the participants. The mandatory events would have a list of skills to be performed, provided by the judges and the Olympic Committee. Both the Freestyles and the Mandatories will be set to music, the choice of which will be left up to the participants.
Slow-paced, symphonic songs and upbeat, techno-like songs are both encouraged.
The USOC's judging specs on Figure Skating can be found here: