February 9, 2006

Hi everybody! I hope you’re doing good. School hasn’t been that much fun lately. Sometimes kids can be mean and one day they made me feel so bad I started crying. I don’t know why it has to be that way but my dad says it’s just a part of growing up and that it happens to everybody. Sometimes I just feel like I’m an outsider though and that nobody understands me. I wrote a poem about it. I called it “I Am Me”. I hope you like it.

I Am Me

As I nestle into my nest
Deeper and deeper to get some rest
The porch door creaks from the wind that howls
There’s no escape from the face that scowls

The kids on the playground
They all know my name
They know who I am
But I’m just not the same

I hear them whisper
About the things that they see
They laugh and they giggle
And it’s probably about me

But I try not to care
If they don’t like what I wear
And I try not to care
If they don’t like what they see
Because deep down inside
I know that I’m me

But sometimes I still
Sit around crying
And sometimes my insides
Feel like they’re dying

So I sit by myself
And wonder what’s wrong
And inside my head
Starts playing a song

So I sing to myself
I don’t care what they see
I’m just happy to be here
That’s good enough for me!

Bye!

Its amazing how certain things turn out. It is coming up to the first anniversy of my dads death this month, and i just keep reflecting over the last year that i have had.

Yes its been the worst one to date, but things are getting better, and although i miss my dad a great deal i feel that i will be ok. I really do feel for the people that take death badly, to the point of being completly incabable of doing anything until all the hurt goes away, and in some cases it doesn't. But then some people might reflect that being that is a good thing, they open up and let it all out.

And What about the other side of the coin? People who dont say a word. They lock up all that pain in their heart and get on with life, is it a bad thing to do that? to not have an outlet for their sadness? I personally feel that i am a bit of both. Their have been over this year some bad moments for me, and mostly in dream form. I would find i would wake up and these dreams (Which would involve my dad in someway) would disturb me more then just thinking about him when im awake.

Of course the dreams did stop eventually, for which i am very grateful, it means that im moving on (i hope anyway) i also realise that the next couple of weeks are going to be tough, but with the love of my family and my love for them, hopefully it will be ok.

on a sidenote, this is like the first node ive written in a year or so!