There is much disappointment here in your friend Berhardt Goates' home in Old Baltimore. The oil painting I have been carefully crafting for almost two months has not fetched the anticipated sale price of $800,000 and has met with much mistreatment at the hands of people falsely accused of being art dealers and critics. One of these foolish people who is doubtless a Democrat told me I might have some luck featuring it at a yard sale and with a staple affixing a large Sharpie written price tag of $5.00.
I am much offended and should be. In addition, my best friend Dale who is supposed to have yours truly Behr's best interests at heart being that he is claimed to be my best friend, has filed a restraining order against me on behalf of self and wife due to an incident on New Years Eve where I drank too much cognac in the spirit of the holiday and placed my personal items in the dish used for the serving of deviled eggs whilst Dale's lovely wife was serving herself from said tray. The effect was intended to be comedic but Dale in lacking good humor did not see eye to eye with me on this issue and had two homosexual communists drag me out of his house and into the street where I was struck about the head and ribs due to attempts to laugh it off and re-enter the house.
The incident involving the deviled eggs and pretend efforts at reproductive harmony with a close lady friend has led me to a new moneymaking plan. This latest sexual rejection of me by best friend Dale's wife led me to speak with my good friend Chopper, with whom I am working steadfastly to curtail the ongoing Baltimore insurgency, who is well read in the internet pornography industry. Chopper, who has three metal plates in his head due to heavy participation in The Cold War, is not very savvy when it comes to making money. This is where your good friend and learned teacher Behr comes into play much like the round metal ball used in the game of pinball which has been humiliated by the encroaching threat of video games, which Chopper feels are a secret weapon of the Baltimore insurgency.
Vis-a-vis, friend Behr and Chopper who is friend of Behr were talking outside a local gas station where I was telling him the deviled egg story. He reported an erection which threw me off the trail for a moment because of this mention bringing back memories of Behr's bad adventures in Wichita, Kansas cleaning horse stalls for a crazy man with grabbing hands. Once I recovered from this blow and was assured that Chopper's erection talk was merely mano-a-mano business and not the encroachment of homosexual communism, he told me of an idea he had regarding starting a pornographic website.
He had many ideas that were not properly formatted, but was interested in a thematic website possibly involving a man placing his items in a tray of deviled eggs and instead of the cruel rejection I received for my efforts, the man in the website pictures would receive a happy reception for his good work. I shook my head knowing in my heart of hearts this would not attract much of a paying audience, especially as the idea involved older, married women with children being approached for and having sexual relations with younger men, something for which there could not possibly be any kind of market. Then I explained how capitalism works. You must acquire something from someone by convincing him to sell it to you for less than it is worth and then turn around and convince someone else to pay you more for it than it is worth. This is called a profit margin.
Chopper was skeptical but remained interested on two or three levels. The money was what really had him hanging on my words, but when I went off on a tangent about my father leaving my mother and I alone in our house near to the Berlin Wall and coming to America under suspicious circumstances and never returning, he wandered off and started to drink heavily from a bottle of very cheap looking wine, which he holstered in a brown paper bag. When I came back to the topic of profitable pornographic website, he put the bottle down and began to listen once and again.
Since rejection and humiliation are common themes for men today dealing with women who have been trained in the vicious and cruel act of sexual denial in order to control their men and make them do their bidding, led by the sinister example of Hillary Clinton, a homosexual communist, I suggested a website that would make profits from these ill feelings present in today's emasculated man. He bought right into Behr's smart idea and we batted around several ideas before settling on one that was sure to be a hit (which I will format in a special way just below):
Fat Chick Gets Loaded and Problematic
This will drive me back into talks with the lesbians I work with at CWAF, Ltd. who are good at webpage design type things, a skill I am told comes natural to lesbians. I hope to interest them in their ideas, which I will then pass on to apparent drug addict and E2 website user riverrun, whose last message to me regarding Christmas was laced with references to buying art at rest stops on highways and also some reports of being molested there as a child, information I have no idea how to respond due to my own deep and troubled childhood with a masculine Lebanese mother and a father who was absent most of the time and working as a secret agent for numerous governments, some of them being communist and therefore unlikely to have had the means to pay him any money for his work.