Your friend Behr needs to tell you a hilarious story. The first house in my neighborhood that I took over (other than friend Dale's house when I framed him for murder and sold his wife to a white slaver gang) was that of the Newman family. Paul and Joanna were annoying people (cloying in nature types - godawful stuff) and when I used the manifest destiny clause in the US Constitution to take over their property and claim them as my "hostages" (no demands were made which is why "hostages" is in quotes) I sliced off Paul's face and cooked it (face up) on my George Forman grill while she was tied up and made to watch it sizzle. Believe it or not, I kept him alive for more than a month longer than I kept her alive. There is so much fun you can have with a faceless man and a jug of turpentine. Oodles of fun. Check it out sometime. Netflix has thousands of streaming titles you can watch in the privacy of your own home without going out to Blockbuster stores (which I am finding difficult to locate - or was when I lived in Baltimore before being forced to go on this adventure). If that is not your bag of gas, try visiting an AMC theatre today to check out the latest movies on the big screen. Advance tickets with reserve seating can be done online or via a phone app. Check it out. Also check out the face thing. You won't be sorry. Great icebreaker.

We got the helicopter ride (sometimes referred to as a "whirlybird" by aeronautical experts with a disdain for science (good on them) and we were taken to Mr. Blofeld's health spa place up higher in the mountains. He served us cocktails and had a lot of ladies on hand. None of them seemed immediately attracted to me. Mr. Blofeld offered to help me with my severely blackened and distended belly (now leaking a pint of fluid through the belly button area daily - mostly looks like blood and greenish blue pus of some sort). I asked Mr. Blofeld if he had non-scientific methods of treating my belly and he simply said "there are options." He gave the same answer when I asked two more times. People who do that annoy me. If he hadn't been very obviously wealthy I would have ended him at that moment without any regret but he was given time to redeem himself because he had proven his worth as a human being through the only method by which you can achieve that, massive financial holdings and excessive wealth. It is the only way to go. Those who fail go to the work camps and get hit in the head with a wrought iron (heavy) shovel eight times a day while digging holes in mud that seeps back into the hole every time and makes the whole job pointless and thus deserving of you getting a shovel to the head as hard as possible eight times a day to remind you of the only possible way to prove your wealth while also proving to you that you have failed in life. And you have failed, believe me. I know. You'll be rounded up. The time is coming. Thy will be done.

Although most of my encounters with women over the past forty years have been awkward and ended in disaster and no climax, I think of myself as a very sensual lover. Maybe you'd like to give me a chance. I am willing to make love to any woman who does not believe in science, especially the demonic "science" of medical science. If you would like to spread your legs for a sensual lover, I am your guy. Right now I am in the Alps but can reach any location in continental Europe within a few hours. I'm eager to get started so expect me to cut right to the chase when we meet. I have no qualms about bending a woman over the table at a restaurant right after we order appetizers so you should anticipate that happening. Don't worry, I grease the palms of all the restaurant staff and customers so they don't report it or make a fuss. They are well taken care of. Shall we meet?

Well, Mr. Blofeld is having another cocktail reception and it is a white tie affair so I am going to need to get dressed up. They found me a suit with ample room for my distended belly. One of Mr. Blofeld's associates mentioned something about using "radioation" to fix my belly and its considerable pus and blood leakage at this point. That was part of the process that turned me into the Bear of Berlin and almost helped rescue Berlin from the communists. Later I got a job with the Stasi so I guess I went where the money and opportunity to kill was. This is not surprising since I was created for a single purpose, that of genocide and I'm mighty well looking forward to it, believe me you (or believe you me - depending on your religion).

I hope you will join me soon in that pursuit. Let us rid ourselves of the 60% who have failed miserably and we just put up with after all. Let us put an end it it. Let us push the button.

My friends.

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