My brother would have been 26 today.
That also means that I haven't smoked for over 5 years, which is mostly unrelated, but I quit while he was still alive and he was very proud of me.
I probably shouldn't have started this log at work, my face is trying to leak.
I've been feeling weirdly anxious/irritable and sensitive last few days, not sure if it's from lack of sleep, probably. I am still waking up at about 4am for my toilet break and then rolling around until 6ish, my brain kicks in as soon as I'm awake and I'm stuck there, planning how and what needs to be done around the house and what-not.
A few days ago, I was trying to write a day log, and failing, I really couldn't explain myself, which is when Girldoll unleashed her dozen write ups, which gave me an excuse to dilly dally, so I read all of them. Like a lot of people, I'm not huge on poetry, and I never really saw a point in it, but I really enjoyed her work, and not (just?) because I'm a deprived creep.
I went back to scratching away at my log, but after another few futile attempts at expressing myself, I took a leaf out of Girldoll's book and wrote this instead. The title sounded better in my head, and as soon as I saw it in the New Writeups, it looked amateurish and very basic.. I left it as is. The poem it contained, however, helped me (partially) write down whatever it was I was trying to say, without needing to write an autobiography to proceed the feeling I was trying to describe.
Just putting random words together, but they will know, there is no tether.
I'm looking for an investment property at the moment, but I think I may have missed the boat, as soon as I got a pre-approval from the bank, I called up about a few houses and EVERY SINGLE ONE was "Sold yesterday" "sold this morning". Most houses around here have jumped by 20-30k in the last few months, which puts them just out of my price range.
I have to be able to afford my mortgage, the new mortgage without getting any rent (to be on the safe side) and once my wife has the baby, be able to support both of them. As you can imagine, the house needs to be pretty damn cheap for me to be able to do that. I did my budget, and those extra 20-30k bring me down to $2 a week savings. Whatever rent I would be getting would bump that up to reasonable savings, but that $2 is just too close for comfort, so now I'm not sure about this venture at all.
My new job has been too laid back, so I'm a little worried they haven't got enough work for me.
No issues with wifey or the baby girl.