Day six: Last night I dreamt that I was at my aunt and uncle's house. Most of what I remember is packing up and getting ready to leave. I really like this aunt and uncle. When I turned to my sister, I told her that while it was nice to visit, it was nice to be returning home. Before we left, I was in a room with a guy. It was dark, it seemed like a club of some sort, and I think there may have been a small child there, but perhaps not.

My mom, two of my sisters, and my brother were there. I went downstairs to find that I had left some clothes laying in the middle of the floor. My cheeks were hot with embarrassment, but I made a joke about it and picked them up. Everything I had worn earlier was there, but I could only find one shoe. These shoes were white. They didn't look like anything I would wear, the clothes either as they were red, and I dislike wearing, but there they were, and they were clearly mine. Across the hall I saw my sister kneeling on  the floor, and I was upset when I saw that she was wearing one of my shoes. I told my family about it, and then I woke up.

Objects: House, dark room, clothes, aunt and uncle, sisters, brother, mom, kitchen, dining room, small child, pile of clothes, single shoe.

I think this dream is about me wanting to escape from my life, but realizing that you'll never be completely free from your past. The club that should have been fun doesn't seem to have been. Maybe the man was interviewing me. I really don't know why he was in my dream. The small child either. My mom has always been very remote and uninterested in what I do. She doesn't read what I write, she would if I asked her to, but she doesn't know how to devote her entire attention to another person, if she does, I haven't seen evidence of it, and maybe this dream is grieving for that lack of nurture while illuminating what kind of a parent I've been.

Last night in real life my two girls were going to spend the night with my sister. There was a miscommunication so we went to go pick them up not realizing my sister was going to drop them off today. We left to pick up groceries at the Vietnamese grocery store, and I was startled to get a text from my sister saying that my youngest daughter was crying because she was homesick. When we arrived, the girls had been watching a movie so we sat upstairs talking. My youngest came up and talked to us for a few minutes, but she didn't hang around for long.

My sister said it was like a switch went off. We left, and she started crying because she missed us. I didn't handle yesterday very well. When we went to therapy, the therapist said to listen to the voices during the calm as decisions made when you are hurt, angry, or sad are not the voice of clarity speaking. I now have a much greater appreciation for both freedom of speech, and the right to remain silent which might sound strange, but I count myself fortunate to live in a country that recognizes these certain inalienable rights.

Would like to write more, but can't just now.

Take care,


P.S. A quick plug for the Heyday app which allows you to store pictures and post on the spot private journal entries. This came in very handy yesterday. I got a picture of Jane sleeping, and one of me with my sister's dog.

We took our Christmas tree down today. The needles were starting drop. It was becoming more of a fire hazard. We have had our tree up as late as Valentine's Day. When I took the lights off it sounded like a light rain falling, the pitter patter of pine needles hitting the plastic tarp. I propped it up in the back yard for the birds to use as shelter from the storm. One of my neighbors is not pleased when the half dead tree goes up outside in the depth of Winter. She has inquired in the past, "what's that for?"

"We're using it as a shelter for the birds so they have a place to hang out in bad weather."

She responds with, "Hmmmm..." and a look, the scowl. Our other neighbors don't care what we do. In fact, they brought over a gift certificate to Bob Evans this afternoon to thank us for helping them out this winter. We do a little shoveling and take their garbage to the curb on pick-up day. We also get the morning paper. Actually, whoever gets to the street first in the morning brings the paper. If the paper isn't hanging in a plastic bag on your doorknob when you go out, you're it. For me it's a contest. I have to get there first. My neighbor must have quite a pile of plastic bags.

So it has been somewhat of an eventful day. The groundhog saw his shadow. The Seahawks are playing the Broncos in the Superbowl. And I just heard that Edward Snowden has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. His nominees believe he "contributed to a more stable and peaceful world order." Snowden's revelations are not really groundbreaking news. The NSA has been gathering information for decades. Before 9/11 it's safe to say 90% of the population had never heard of the NSA.

The Superbowl kicks off soon. Time to gets the snacks ready. I will be rooting for the better team.

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