Okay, it has been a while since I've done this, the library was closed yesterday and there was a dress rehearsal for some event the other night so I haven't had a chance to get things out recently and I've really noticed my mood plummet as a result. This may not be long since the gentleman sitting next to me smells strongly of smoke and keeps clearing his throat, but maybe he will leave shortly. Bonus - he is getting on his coat and checking for his keys. Sometimes problems solve themslves without me doing anything. Bad news on the job front - the interview was a scam-ish type thing, but the company is trying to pretend it is more legit than it is. I'm sure they have real jobs for people, but they are not who they say they are or claim to be and I am onto their tricks. I sent them an email stating that my daughter had been sick all weekend which is true, I requested a phone interview and got an email back saying they couldn't make that happen, but what did my tomorrow look like? I confronted them with my suspicions and they sent me a huge email back that was a cut and paste of what they have online. My friend wonders if I am being too hard on them, I told her to look at this as if we owned the company. You have a candidate you really like and they're requesting a phone interview at the time their in person interview was scheduled, and they can't make that happen?

No. I smell a rat and I'm trusting my intuition. A marketing firm does not need to rely on stock internet photos and the website should be very clear about what they do and not vague with pseudo feel good terms about how great they are.

Better job news - out of the blue a recruiter who is working for <Large Company> called out of the blue and gave me an on the spot interview. I was not expecting the call, I was unprepared, super tired, and probably did not come off as well as I could have. I was also more cautious than I probably should have been since she was a prototypical recruiter who reviewed my resume and asked all the right questions. She asked why I had left my previous job, I told her it was time to be done, that I had outgrown the job, and that I was writing a book. All true statements, but I felt guilty beyond belief about not letting her know that I had been fired. Next time I will just level with someone. If this costs me that opportunity, that will really suck, but perhaps it won't. She said she would pass my info along to the hiring manager so hopefully I said a few things that were in line with what the company would like to hear. It's a one year contract position which I don't love, however it could be a foot in the door that would lead to bigger and better things. We'll have to see how things go. Other news: I went on a date last night. I was frustrated with the job search, upset about the situation with my children, bored, lonely, angry, sad, and probably a bunch of other things so I decided to join Tinder again just to have new people to talk to and meet.

The guy I met wanted to talk about  himself so that's what we did. He has had a very hard life, I think meeting me was good for him, he needed to see that there are decent women who aren't going to take him for everything he has left after his second divorce.

Even though the monologue was tough to listen to, I'm glad I went ahead with the adventure. It was kind of funny, I had told him to meet me at the martini bar where I watched baseball, it was closed, and so were the next three places I suggested. We ended up at a cute little wine bar downtown that I have never been in before, despite living in town for almost twenty years. The bartender was nice; quiet, but friendly. We had the place to ourselves, he was polite and paid for my ginger beer which was very good if you are a wild ginger lover such as myself. Now that I'm on Tinder again, I'm seeing what I didn't notice as clearly before, there are a lot of very lonely and damaged people out there. I had one guy tell me he just wanted to get laid. The last time I was on the site a guy asked if I wanted to hook up with him and his wife for a threesome, but they really wanted to get to know their partner first, so we could go to a baseball game first. Was polite to him, but no. Just no. Tonight I am meeting a guy who lives about an hour away from me. He's not the best texter, which is fine, some people aren't, but he seems very sweet and he actually likes and appreciates my sense of humor which is awesome. He claims to be a sports fan, but doesn't seem interested in discussing them which is fairly consistent to what I've encountered in the past. Maybe people want to keep sports and sex separate, I don't know.

He's a Dodgers fan so I brought up the Yu Darvish trade, he's happy he went to the Cubs which I thought was an interesting take. 

My sister sent me a 'how's it going' text and we had a little back and forth conversation. After that I laid down and cried really hard. Some may question the wisdom of joining a dating site when you are unemployed, out of shape, overweight, having problems with your ex and children, depressed, and hung up on someone you can't seem to get out of your head, but I think if people can't take you for who you are at a certain point in time, then that's their loss. I'm up front about everything because that's just who I am. If people don't like me, or I'm not for them, fine. I don't seem to have any problem finding people who are willing to at least roll the dice on me so I'm taking that as a plus. I think I needed to get out, being outside of my own head for a while was nice even if I feel like that guy from last night owes me for a therapy session, but hey, people have been there for me and I don't really regret helping someone who has been through what he has. Wife number one cheated on him, wife number two signed over their kids to him and then proceeded to die from a drug overdose when his children were teenagers. He has some major anger issues, but he knows it. He works very hard, he has part of an engineering degree, but his position was eliminated and since he doesn't have the actual sheet of paper, just the experience, he hasn't been able to find work like that since. He's currently in logistics, but he can be and do so much more which is what I encouraged him to pursue.

He needs a cheerleader, he needs to find functional healthy relationships, but last night he just needed to talk.

You know I can't do anything without wanting to improve it. Here are a couple of my suggestions for Tinder. First of all, say what you want rather than what you don't. Avoid taking your selfie in the bathroom, I see that a lot unfortunately. Post more than one picture, and say something about yourself or what you would like. I almost always swipe left if people have only one pic and nothing on their profile. Try to take criticism to heart. One guy told me I had a bunch of obscure pictures. I had an orchid, a puzzle, strawberries, and a diagram of how people act when they are in a healthy relationship. I thought these were demonstrating interests of mine, he thought I was trying to confuse people and hide who I am. I don't post full body pictures because I am not on there for sex and if you need that before we connect, you are not for me. Another thing I don't understand is why people post profile pictures where there are more than one man or woman unless they are suggesting they want a threesome. Which person are you? I think that should be clear right away. I don't mind it if people don't post pictures of themselves, but it does kind of make me wonder. For all I know these people could be super attractive and annoyed by those who just see them as a face or body. I'm fairly sarcastic, but if people state that they are, I'm usually swiping left on them because in my experience these people go way beyond where I'm at. Perhaps I am judging them too harshly, I'm okay with that.

I can afford to be very choosy since I have the lowest expectations ever for this site. 

I went to church with my sister and her youngest on Saturday and it was the best thing I have done for myself recently. I would really like to go get my nails done, but probably not the best idea when I have no money coming in at the moment. I need to relax. I need sleep. I feel like I keep saying these things and they always have been and always will be true. I met a girlfriend at Starbucks on Sunday, she was having a tough day, today I'm having one. It's great to have friends who are there for me. She shops where I used to work, I met a lot of really cool people there, I miss my unicorn friend a ton. I wasn't going to say anything to her, but today I finally reached out via text. Maybe she will ignore it and has moved on, but I'm really glad I apologized and made the attempt. It felt like some closure I really needed. I feel like I could really use a nap right now. The weather is so drizzly and rainy, it seems like the perfect day to pull the covers up over my head and drift off into dreamland for a while. This leads me to my next point, I love it when atmospheric conditions fall in line with what I have planned to write about today. I took a break from the creative visualizations, but I went back to them today because it felt right. 

The weather is not great, but I'm going to go out and have fun anyways. I've earned a treat.

Much love,


P.S. Whenever I have a tough decision to make, I turn to baseball Twitter for guidance. I almost always prefer what the men have to say over the women.

P.P.S. In honor of Stasik I tried to work on my paragraphing tendencies... 

Last week, one of the cheap no frills airlines had a sale for Bali. Their sale meant that one could fly from Perth to Bali and back for less than the non-sale price of a one-way ticket from Perth to the other side of Australia. As usual, I let my parents know, as they previously expressed a desire for a good inexpensive holiday in Bali. On Sunday night, they decided to take the deal. Now they aren't technophobes, and they sort of know their way around the computer, but they still got me to book the flights online for them. Painful. On the phone, listening to little random tangential stories from mum, trying to get an answer at every upsell screen the airline provided. Which dates? Which times? Yes, I hear your many stories about how each date and time will affect you differently. Package upsell? Baggage? Baggage? Do you know that buying it at the airport later will cost more? Baggage? Just answer the damn question. Baggage? Seat selection? etc etc etc. Wait for her to confer with dad before going off on a tangent again. They were also out to dinner at the time, so they mentioned the deal to their friend, and he kept butting in with stories and suggestions too. One word? Yeah, I'm sticking with "painful". It may have been painful, but it's nice that I can help my parents that way. I know that money is tight for them but they squirrel away a little extra to have a break sometimes, so a really good deal like this is important for making that small amount go further. They don't go on holidays often at all.

The deal had a set date range to choose from, so they booked in for late October. They suggested I might go too. I thought about it. I had originally decided not to because I am right in the middle of a couple of months of big spending, what with a new dental crown and a local nerd/geek convention over the Easter long weekend being held at an expensive hotel. Also, I'm already going on a plane in July, over to Melbourne for 4 days, which will also cost me in accommodation & enjoying myself while there. But then, I've never been to Bali before, and it's been on my bucket list for a long time, and my parents like it when their kids choose to spend time with them, and it would be nice to hang with people I know while in a new place, so in the end I decided to ignore all the reasons why not and today I booked myself in. I'll be getting there three nights before them, and leaving three nights after they arrive, so I'll get some time to myself and some time with them, and ditto for them in reverse. I might have booked longer, but my partner & I host an annual Halloween party on the last Saturday in October every year (this year will be our 17th annual party), so I'm flying back two days before that so I can do last minute prep.

I posted on Facebook and asked for suggestions, and have received a large number of tips for Bali. Bali is really close to Perth, and really cheap to get to, and really cheap once there, so Bali is pretty much the number one destination for many of us wanting to go on holiday. I have several friends who go to Bali for holidays every single year at least once. People who _haven't_ been to Bali at all are the odd ones out. So there's plenty of people to give advice to me. I have travelled to a bunch of other places, including many asian countries, but I haven't been to Bali before, so I'm keen to make a great first impression on myself and also make the most of it. I'm really excited to have finally booked this item on my bucket list!

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