Today I'm thinking about the things i want out of life. I want fresh foods that are deliciously prepared and presented. I want to go to the chiropractor, get massages, get a nicer vehicle. I want to own my own place and paint it whatever color I think would suit me best. I want more sunshine and breezy air. I want to ride my bike and get rid of the need for a vehicle. I want to start saving at least five hundred dollars a month. I want a lover, a partner, a friend, people who will drop by just because they were in the area and thought about me. I want to attract healthy people and enjoy high quality relationships where both partners give and take. 

I want to stop obsessing about things. I want to become less compulsive. I want set hours at work and fewer things cluttering up my counters at home. I want light, space, brightness, laughter, fun, kisses in the rain, a good cry where your soul feels restored. I want to be paid more competitively. I want more control and less passive aggressiveness at work. I want to be the kind of person who carries cash and laughs at the idea that I might have a bill coming that I can't easily pay. I want to treat my friends more and let go of the toxic relationships that entice me. I want to knit things for people I love, get a garden of my own. I want more houseplants and fewer electronics. What a glory that would be.

I want my ear to stop hurting. I want to be more grateful for the health and wealth that I have. I want to be a ray of light and recognized for what I bring to the table at work. I want a promotion, but I'm not sure I need one, I want more power at work. I want more praise for others, less criticism of the minor things that don't really amount to much but people blow out of proportion. I want to stop doing this myself. I want a signature style, longer hair, a firmer body, more comfortable clothes. I want turtlenecks and vests, scarves and footwear that keep me warm and cozy without heating me up too much. I want to go on vacation with my kids and go by myself. I've been alone for far too long. I want to erase the ice between me and family members. I want to send and receive cards and gifts. I want fewer books or more bookshelves. 

I want to hang out with people who value quality over quantity. I want things to smell fresh and look crisp except when I want them to be comfortably rumpled. I want to hold a book I wrote and published. I want to be more organized, be able to pay greater attention to detail, to laugh at myself when I make mistakes, to positively impact that world around me and forgive myself when I am out of line knowing it will happen again and again and again because our pet sins are difficult to erase in one fell swoop. I want cool jewelry and more manicures and pedicures. I want to be the party starter, the person who gets things going and feels comfortable leaving when the party is in full swing. I want to pick up the bill for random strangers that will never know me.

I want more mystery, I want to be more mysterious and less of an open book. I want some nice lingerie that I don't wear every day, but I can pull out whenever I want to feel sexy. I want a strand of really neat pearls, a pair of red shoes like the ones I used to have. I want to move someplace warm and bask in the sunshine by my pool. I would love to live at the place my in-laws own down in Florida. Apart from the oddly designed kitchen it's practically the perfect place and I can live with the kitchen. I want to work with wood, learn how to paint and sketch. I want to learn to fix my own car. I want to stop procrastinating and become more active. I want to realize that I am enough in my present state and change is all well and good, but acceptance and gratitude for the here and now is key. That's what I want.

Until next time,


P.S. Beauty day was a success. I would have handled several things differently, but I met a lot of new people and we were able to trim down our inventory. A woman I work with said I won the personality award last night. I didn't feel like I was really doing anything other than being me. Maybe that's all I need to do. Not worry so much about others and focus on being myself. A woman in her seventies came in to buy some expensive skin care. She's wanted it for years, got her tax return, and decided to treat herself. I want to be more like that when I grow up, she was very cool.


Oh, my. Today is the day I turn 60 years of age. 60.

When I was young, 60 was old. Ancient. Ready for the nursing home.

I’ve rarely been affected by birthday 'milestones' – 30 didn’t bother me, 40 was the gateway to some of the best times ever, and 50 was just another number.

But 60 – that makes you start thinking. Thinking about how you really don’t have that expanse of time stretching out in front of you (OK, life isn’t guaranteed to anyone, but when you’re in your 20s or 30s, you sort of have that expectation that you’ll be around for a long while).

You start thinking that 70 and 80 are “just around the corner”, if you make it that long. You start wondering which things you can do now will become things you can’t do anymore. You’re truly a “senior citizen”. You’re going to start falling apart.

I've caught myself thinking these things. Hell, it started around 57 or 58. But I came to my senses, got ahold of myself, and my thoughts. I remembered that thinking this way is truly how one becomes “old”. I cast such thoughts away, I hope forever.

I don’t feel 60 and, thank the Gods, many people still tell me I don’t look it, either. Just a week ago, one online friend said, “I’d have never guessed”.

So what if I have a few more aches and pains than I used to? So what if I need my prescription glasses more and more? A few more grey hairs? So what? I’ve never, ever “acted my age” and I don’t plan to start.

I’ll go on as I always have, trying to live life to the fullest, and not giving a damn about numbers.

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