Day eleven: Dreamt that my cousin was kidnapped. We thought she was
dead, but when we found her, she had a
spiral cut around the arm that we could see.
Objects: My cousin, spiral cut, arm.
I ate too much yesterday. I've noticed that my bad dreams almost
always correspond with my poor food choices. My cousin is really me in
the dream, and it feels as if my life and freedom are being taken away
from me. In real life my husband, sister, and I talked about giving the
condo we bought for me to my step daughter, and I think the dream is my
way of grieving for something that could have been. I love the flooring
in there, and I wanted that place for myself. It hurts, but in the end, a
deep cut is survivable.
We went to the Audubon Inn Saturday night. It was really nice and
very pretty. I'd like to go back again sometime. This morning my
chiropractor told me that I do know what I want. So I told him that I
want to live in a hut on the beach without any running water. He asked
if I wanted to get back to my roots. I think I just want sand beneath my
toes, sunshine kissing my face, and soothing ocean sounds. I'm on the
right track, and that's what I want to remember.
A friend of mine sent me an email describing how the team he worked
for chose cleats. He said he didn't know why players weren't being
measured. I'm happy with the way I handled that exchange. Normally I
would have written a bunch, this time I kept it very short, just two or
three sentences, and I liked that approach because now I don't feel as
if I'm straining because I have to prove myself to him.
I had an idea about Kevlar in cleats. Nike has done this for
basketball shoes and a football boot, but I haven't seen evidence of it
used in baseball cleats, and I'm wondering if this makes sense at the
pro level where players can afford that type of material. Another
Twitter friend and I were talking about commercials. It's fascinating to
find out how many different types of people there are, all with very
To get back to the Borderline Personality problem, someone suggested
that I look into other mood disorders. I don't want to, but I probably
will because I want my character to be a complete person, and I
understand that if a professional says this is how it works in real
life, fiction must follow that or risk being ill researched. The girls
had a good time at my sister's place. This morning Jill gave me a hug
which was wonderful.
We did a short writing exercise in my class last night. It turned out
that the problem was more me than other people which I knew all along
so that was illuminating, but also a bit depressing. I read some poetry
that I really liked. Life is strange. So many moments where people's
lives intersect for brief moments, and then nothing.