Fanatical AOL User

An evangelical user of America Online.
They believe:

--That AOL is the safest place for kids anywhere, especially because you can 'turn off Internet'.

--That you should never use any of those weird things like Earthlink because you only get double-u double-u double-u and e-mail, you have to type those annoying @ symbols all the time when e-mailing, and because you don't know who you're calling when you connect.

--That you should never let Instant Messenger users talk to you, because your computer could get hacked.

--That Java is a Starbucks Coffee subsidiary.

--That chat rooms are a great way to meet your future husband/wife.

--That web servers are what herbivores eat.

--And that Microsoft Outlook is a date book program.

Don't forget...

--Do not actually know how to do anything on a computer *except* start AOL.

--Think that getting disconnected after a certain amount of idle time is a Good Thing(tm).

--Think that the chat room moderators are good at their jobs.

--Believe everyone who says they're an attractive 18 year old girl and wants to meet them in person.

--Believe that the AOL browser is fast.

--Think that 12345 is a good password (or combination for their luggage).

--Call the phone company whenever AOL's line is busy to find out why the Internet is broken again.