I came home from work one day to find my evil twin sitting in the living room.
"Where the hell did you come from?" I demanded. I am usually a patient man, but the sudden appearance of a hitherto unknown doppelgänger was a little upsetting.
He threw me a bored glance and then returned his gaze to the television. "Well, that's a fine way to greet me. You could at least offer me a drink or something."
I gestured at the glass of whisky that he was holding. "You seem to have helped yourself."
He frowned. "A real drink. This cheap stuff is turning my stomach."
"Well, I happen to like it just fine," I retorted. "But that's really beside the point. Where did you come from?"
"Shhhh," he replied, gesturing at the television. Irritated, I snatched the remote, and turned the television off. He looked a little pained but made no move to turn it back on. I sat down on the sofa, since my evil twin had taken my favourite chair. "I want an explanation!" I told him. "How long have I had an evil twin?"
This seemed to amuse him. "Evil twin? What makes you think I'm your evil twin?" he smiled. I glared at him. "Well, you look just like me, so that covers the 'twin' aspect. And you have your shoes on my coffee table, so, naturally, I must assume that your heart is as black as night, and that in place of blood, purest evil runs through your veins." Aware of the frailty of my argument, I overcompensated with metaphor.
He laughed. "Well, I don't follow your reasoning, but in all honesty, you're absolutely right. I am your evil twin. As for where I came from - the people in charge sent me. The upshot is that I am here to destroy your life, ruin your reputation, and alienate you from everyone you love and care about, so that when I finally kill you, no-one will even come to the funeral. Could you pass the remote, please?"
I'm not usually one to be rude, but I felt that this was no time to be watching television, and told him so. "Now look here! What 'people in charge' sent you? The people in charge of what?"
He smiled at me. "You know who I'm talking about. You may not think you know, but you do." At this point, his mobile phone rang, and he pulled it out of his pocket. I couldn't help noticing that it was a lot like mine, and yet somehow more malevolent looking. He answered the phone, and I could tell from the look on his face that he was talking to someone important.
"What do you mean, the wrong species?" he said into the phone. There was a short pause, and then he looked up at me. "You're right, I suppose, he doesn't really look that fluffy." Another pause. "I see." At this, he hung up and put the phone away.
"Well," he said to me. "This is rather embarrassing. There's been a change of plan, so, if you could just look the other way for a second..."
"Look the other way? What are you talking about?" I exclaimed. He rolled his eyes. "I really don't have time for this, the hell with it..." With that, he was gone. He didn't leave in any conventional manner, he just vanished. As startled as I was, I couldn't help but be a little disappointed at the lack of smoke or lighting effects to accompany his dramatic departure. He just... left, and in his place, sat my cat.
"Fluffy!" I exclaimed. "I thought I'd put you out already!" Fluffy just hissed at me.