Whether it's a powwow or a Greek Odyssey, ethnic fairs in New Haven tend to go this way:

See ad for Ethnic Fair on Summit of the Rock Park a month before in Quad-Town Advertiser/Town Chronicle. Decide to go since it looks like a fun adventure.

Mention to Dear Soulmate that you'd like a change of pace.

Casually mention that there's this "thing coming up" and you'd dearly want to go.

Listen to him say "It's not my cup of tea."

Ask him what is "his cup of tea", other than that Earl Grey he once took up to be like Captain Picard. Point out they will probably have tea, if that's what he wants.

Point out that he "used to go out and be more adventurous".

Listen to him tell you that he doesn't like being out in crowds anymore, and certainly isn't going anywhere he doesn't generally go, because he doesn't feel safe.

Point out that his goiter is the size of a football, and is more than likely why he's impotent, anxious, and paranoid.

Listen to how he'd get it cut off if he wasn't afraid the anesthesiologist would kill him for fun.




Ask BFF to go. She's not sure.

Ask SBF to go. She's not sure.

Two weeks later, reiterate steps 3-12. Pout/sulk/mope through the next date.

What kind of guy says "cup of tea", anyway? Can't he drink an Arnie Palmer, like every regular guy? Is he nuts?

Regardless of whether you get anyone to go with you:

Three days before, reserve place with the Shuttle.

Night before, take out cute maxi skirt and large hat. Take off spots from last festive occasion.

Day of, slather on sunscreen, wonder whether to take a water bottle/power bar/other comfort items. Find out that smart phone is out of juice,
take Obamaphone. End up with at least 5-10 extra pounds in large shoulder bag.

Spend at least two hours getting there, all the while hoping you aren't too late/early.

Feel exhilarated. You're there! Strange music plays. People are dancing. There are tents and trucks, and food and displays. Lots of ethnics are walking around.

Pay admission. You now have enough cash money for 1 drink, 1 souvenir (if you're lucky), and (maybe) food. Find out your water bottle isn't allowed on the grounds.

Walk around.

Listen to music.

Watch dancing.

Decide between ethnic (expensive) and American (more expensive) food trucks. Give up, get on shortest line, because your shoulder is killing you.

Eat while watching dancing. Decide the other truck was better.

Volunteer to be part of the audience participation segment. Learn just enough steps to make you completely hopelessly screwed up. In public. Blush and sit down.

Decide what you're eating is not so bad.

Walk around some more. Listen at least two minutes to a Politically Minded Ethnic grouse about how awful America is, nodding for no real reason. Avoid creepy older guy who keeps hitting on you.

Find the stand of who you think is the least mercantile craftsperson. Listen to their tale of how they made this amazing thing you can hardly afford, much less pay for right then.

Disagree/agree/haggle some more. Feel vaguely guilty.

Pay too much for an Authentic Ethnic Thing. Yippiee, they take plastic.

Congratulations, this is the height of your afternoon.

Enough with the weird music already! You got the point!

Take the Shuttle down the Rock.

On the way, find out that your souvenir is made in China.

Phone for a pizza. You're starving, tired and owe AMEX.

Decide to do it again next year.

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