Part of Northumberland County and the technological black hole of Northeastern Pennsylvania, Elysburg doesn't have much going for it. I saw someone on call this area "Alabama between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia", and let me tell you, I can say after living her for almost a week that they weren't kidding. I jest not when I tell you that I met a woman in her 50's at a flea market, that didn't even know what a compact disc was.

I'd love to continue with an extensive w/u about the dozens of entertaining places to visit in this town. Unfortunately, they don't seem to exist. There is Knobels, a down-home amusement park that doesn't even charge you to park or to get in, and has a semi-amusing arcade...but it's only open during the summer. There's an Original Italian Pizza, a place that serves seedy pizza-parlor food (including the worst cheese fries ever) at restaraunt prices, but that thing's not even 24-hour. Inexplicably, the place is staffed by nothing but young, sexy, full-breasted teenage girls (not that I complain about such a thing :p). Online folk have told me that other OIP's "suffer" from the same situation. I dunno, mabye the chain owner's a dirty old man or something?

Finally, there's what I like to call "The Light". No, this isn't a call for your religious attention, my friend (trust me, you get enough bible-thumping from the other locals here), but it's a traffic light that bears great importance in my travels. You see, after not even a week of living in this quiet, rural town, I've found that there's two "highways" that work quite well in my quest to get the hell out of here and over to someplace more interesting. These "highways" are route 54 and route 487. Convienently, they intersect at a traffic light about 3 minutes from my house, which counts as an almost-landmark in my opinion.

From here, you have four choices. Heading south on 54 takes you down through some smallish towns with a variety of seemingly boring shops.

I haven't extensively driven down 54 north, but it's one of many ways to get onto route 81.

Route 487 south can be taken to route 42, and then Route 11, to get to Bloomsburg. This area is suprisingly upscale for it's location, and has many fascinating stores, including a medium-sized used CD and record store. This end of 487 also leads to the previously-mentioned Knobels.

487 south brings you down past the local Sovereign Bank, and a few convience stores. 10 minutes later you reach the end of 487, and wind up having to turn left or right to go down Route 61 South or North, respectively. South leads to Coal Township and a huge 24-hour Wal-Mart, while North goes through a few towns, including Sunbury, and eventually goes to route 11 and route 15, semi-highways that contain some nifty stuff, including a mall with lackluster stores, but a DDRMAX2 machine for 75 cents a play. There's also a 24-hour diner (called the Four Seasons Diner), and a Denny's.

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