"Tex will be cooking up piggies on the grill. But keep your hands off the merchandise. Those piggies are greasy!"
-- Edna Boil
Edna Boil was a character
Andrea Martin used to do on
SCTV. Edna was sister to
Edith Prickley (another Martin character). Edna, along with her husband Tex, were the show's consummate
small town business people, and advertised their business ventures frequently on SCTV.
Edna and Tex began a music store, Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium. On many of their commercials they were trying to push an organ called the
Rhythm Ace.
Edna, in her ill fitting
pants suit, was the pitchman, claiming their
emporium featured no less than four miles of organs and it was open 24 hours for all your organ needs. Her husband Tex would play odd
medleys on the
Wurlitzer organ (freely blending Copland's "
Fanfare for the Common Man" with
Procol Harum's "
A Whiter Shade of Pale",
Kraftwerk's "
Autobahn",
The Band's "Chest Fever").
To get customers into their store, Edna would announce promotions, many involving free coffee or sausages. One sales gimmick they tried to offer a free
budgie with every organ. However, a sufficient number of standard budgies could not be found in
Mellonville, so they smuggled Shetland budgies from the USA.
At some point Tex, tired of taking a back seat to his wife, unceremoniously dumped her during one of their commercial breaks. Heartbroken but ever the professional, Edna began auditioning for a new
organist (and ostensibly a husband). Apparently she was set on her
pitchman/organist
two shot commercial format. Prospective organists were encouraged to "
come on down" for some "Free coffee and donuts. You fill in the blank."
After Tex's departure, Edna quickly branched out into
western clothing, although curiously the clothes were all in Tex's size.
Unable to find a quick replacement for Tex, Edna had her dog do temporary duty as organist. She changed and expanded the scope of her business. Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium became Rex and Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium. Besides organs, it offered dog outfits for every occasion. Her
curio shop featured some interesting attractions like JoJo the world's biggest
prairie dog and Chuckie the baseball playing chicken. Baseball playing chickens tend not to last long in show biz and Chuckie succumbed. He was, however, replaced by Sylvia the bowling cat.
Edna eventually met and married European royalty, Count Alki Stereopolis. She planned a honeymoon in Europe and announced she would add to her ever widening stock of goods after returning from Europe, hinting Countess Boileena's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium would soon offer
scabbards,
daggers,
halberds, and
pikes.
Alas the marriage to
Count Alki Stereopolis was a short one. But no problem. Edna met a man in Vegas named Stan. Her business now became Stan and Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium. To its growing list of products and services they added fun-filled Vegas
junkets and
quickie marriage tours.
Alas, again, her marriage to Stan failed as quickly as her marriage to the count.
Salvation came quickly tho in the form of a freakish
albino kid who wore long johns and
jackboots (played by
Martin Short). He became "Boil Boy", the leading attraction at Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium's Boil World. Boil World was billed as an
homage to Mother Nature's greatest mistakes.