People, people... can't we think outside
box? Here's some extensions to the upcoming spring's E2 product line:
- E2 Condoms: Prone to casual noding? Afraid of social diseases? Well fear no longer! With reservoir tip and Nonoxynol-9, these latex sheaths will keep you and your partner satisfied... even if you are just noding about masturbation.
- The Everythong: Finally, the long promised arrival of this season's hottest item! Stunning in the bedroom and the ballroom, the Everythong offers a level of versitility heretofore unknown to the world of fashion. Yes, plus sizes are available!
- E2 Poetry Journal: Whether you're forging the new romantic revolution in ink or just painting a bleak picture of your lack of romantic evolution, this handsome, Pleather bound journal will help keep Everything in poetry (both good and bad) for decades to come!
- The E2 Tribute album: Music to node by from all of today's top artists! Featuring the twenty-minute long version of "It's The End of the Node As We Know It" as performed by Neil Young!
- E2 Beanie Babies: Loveable, huggable, plush versions of all your favourite noders! They're all here: jessicapierce, thefez, dizzy, wharfinger, junkpile, dem bones, perdedor, ailie, ansate, sensei, ideath, icicle, dannye, pingouin, stand/alone/bitch and hundreds of other noders too classy (and cuddly!) to use capitals in their names! Order quickly and you'll get the controversial DMan doll (offer not valid after September 20th, 2000). Collectable and, more importantly, profitable!
- GTKY needlepoint patterns: the perfect gift for the noder with too much spare time! Now instead of taking up valuable nodegel with their parents' names, what books they're currently reading, or their no longer secret shame, they can present it as an attractive needlepoint to hang in their home and see exactly how much of the world gives a rat's ass!
- Everything Columbian Coffee: hand picked by illiterate lepers in Columbia and steeped with just the right amount of culture, this java will keep your juices flowing until the wee hours of late next morning. You'll never even realize the sun's come up when there's Everything Columbian Coffee in your cup!
- The Everything Coffee Table: Wish you could take the comfort and convenience of Everything 2 into the living room? Well now you can! With ultra-high speed T3 access, adjustible 40" flat screen monitor, wireless keyboard and optical mouse, footrests, and stain-resistant natural teak finish, you'll never need another coffee table book again! Add on the optional 700 cubic inch refrigerator and your ass will never need to leave the sofa again!
This is just a short selection of our upcoming product line that we'll be more than happy to bring to you just as soon as we clear up some minor distribution issues! Happy noding!