In one episode of the television Cartoon series, The Looney Toons, Bugs Bunny wonders whether a floundering, half-drowning Daffy Duck will remember that, being a duck, he can swim. Later in the same episode, Bugs wonders whether a long-distance-falling Daffy will remember that he can fly. Bugs Bunny, naturally, can do neither. Though Bugs is the cooler character in the cartoon world (just as Mickey Mouse trumps Donald Duck in that tooniverse), in reality, ducks are better than rabbits, for many reasons.


Ducks can fly. I mean, I've seen some rabbits jump pretty high, but ducks can fly!! Sometimes for hundreds of miles without setting down. By comparison, rabbits can, well, they can dig holes in the ground. What would you rather be able to do, dig holes under the Earth at a slightly better than average pace, or soar above it-- and all the obstacles of the ground-- faster than any man can run? Over the course of their lives, rabbits rarely travel more than a mile from the place of their birth. And while it's true that ducks can be homey for spells at a time, they naetheless get out there and take in broad stretches of geography from view not experienced at all in the mammalian realm. Ducks can see the world-- or, at the least, a respectable corridor of it-- and because of this ability, far flung places like Hawaii and the Galapagos have their own native duck species, havig never seen a rabbit until Man introduced them.


Diving into that other element of travel, as Jimmy Carter once learned, rabbits can indeed swim, and it can be a fright to behold. But rabbits aren't made for swimming, and venture into the water only slowly and clumsily, while ducks can float serenely on, or dive to the bottom and pop back up in a trice. Think about it in elemental terms. Ducks beat rabbits in air and water; rabbits only in the earth. And (since neither is a master of fire), two out of three ain't bad.


This is an aspect I gather hasn't been much plumbed, since the duck/rabbit debate typically revolves around things like 'cuteness' and 'strokeability.' But what color are rabbits? Black, white, grey, shades of tan and brown, or some medley of these. Oh, there are ducks which come in all these colors as well, but ducks appear in every other color known as well. Blues and greens, orange, yellow, purple, teal. And in more than a few they seem to shimmer with a rainbow coalescence. Another point to the ducks!


Any crop gardener will tell you, rabbits are goddamned irritating pests. They get in everything and destroy it in their greed for tender nibblings, and stopping them will take a fence going several feet above and below the ground. And let us recall that rabbits are lagomorphs, a classification just this close to rodents; they are inclined with some frequency to breed beyond the long-term capacity of their environment to support them, resulting in a scourge of rabbits engaging in a mad dash to consume all available resources before starvation begins to pile up rabbit corpses. Ducks, on the other hand, are much less pesky (aside from those Menlo Park beasties who've become so acclimated to the human presence that they'll try to run up and snatch food right out of your hand). Have you ever heard of somebody erecting a duck-proof fence?

Well, I could go on and on and on and on and on, but the point is made. Ducks > rabbits.

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