I'm a white guy in this dream and I have two forms: a husband and John Candy (I take different perspectives in the dream).

The husband has blonde hair, he's pretty average and for some reason, he's obsessed with pregnancy (I have a feeling this is the result of studying the reproductive system at 2 in the morning and it's 8 o'clock now).

John Candy is his brother and is very strong. For some reason, he mistakes the death of his brother. This happens when he sees his brother lying seemingly dead in the sewer. He is enraged and conveniently, 50 thugs surround him in the alley where he is weeping. The boss of the thugs signals two of his thugs to attack. I (being John Candy) whack these boneheads with my huge arms and go around kicking arse across the thug nation. But suddenly, a cop car strolls nearby and we all act innocent, as if we were all good buddies. The boss of the thugs shout: "Come back here later and we'll settle this!" I agree to his challenge, but I've changed perspective now (omniscient).

The boss of the thugs talks with two of his thugs.

    Thug#1: Don't worry boss, we'll take care of him.

    Boss: "No, he is strong. Even stronger than my 2 strongest fighters."

    *Boss takes out a thick red straw and offers it to the two thugs.

    *Both thugs sniff cocaine out of the red straw and smile with glee.

Now it is another scene. I'm the husband and I'm in a train beside my wife, who is pregnant, and her friend who is in the seats behind ours, is talking to my wife. My wife's friend is talking to my wife, saying how men are assholes and are so insensitive about pregnancy, but my wife, in my defense, says: "He's not like that. He thinks that pregancy is a painful process for women and the Holiest of journeys in a woman's life."

// Yes, it's hillarious and cheesy, but I've no control over the lines in my dreams!

Now I look at my wife for a very long while (she's really hot, blonde hair, wearing a flowery dress with little white, brown, orange, beige designs) and I seemed worried, because in my mind, I'm picturing this in a very technical way (in my mind): "I am a virus who has laid his eggs in another creature's womb." My face suddenly turns pale and I seem depressed as if I had done something horribly wrong. I sit down abruptly and hold my wife's hand; my hand over the knuckles of her fist.

I don't really remember the part where the "John Candy-me" sees the husband dead, but for some reason, the sewers are like in the Ninja Turtles: pleasant, not smelly and alley-like. The husband was walking there and he tripped. At the same moment, he tripped, John Candy sees him from a sewer lid (is there another name for those?) and mistakes the death of his brother.

My mom was at a tupperware party of my 2nd cousin's. She ended up being guilted into buying lots of stuff. Then for some reason I'm at her house, and she has relatives from Sweeden over, one was named Hans, I forget the other one's name, but she was a girl about my age. She wanted me to take Hans to a school dance since he didn't get out as much as his sister, but I explained that he was too young. She didn't seem to want to understand. Awake.

I showed some stranger my ass...

I'm at Dillards looking for a dress to buy for some party that night. I spot out this nice, long, black, short-sleeve dress and take it into the fitting room with me. I pull down my pants and see that I'm not wearing any undies. I look in the mirror and see my bare ass, and my ass looks purple and wrinkly. I gasp. Just then the dressing room attendant opens the door and stares at my rear. She says, "Not very nice." I push her out and shut the door behind her. As soon as the door closes, I wake up.
I go into the restroom and look at my butt. It's not purple and it's not wrinkly. I'm releaved.

Just a short snippet of a longer dream (it's all that I remember)...

I found myself in a large room full of people, a party. Across the room I saw a very beautiful brunette woman with amazing grey-green eyes. As she was someone I knew, I watched her from afar and then started moving across the room towards her. I sensed that she knew I was approaching. As I drew near, she continued speaking to all of the people around her, and I realized that she was doing everything possible not to make eye contact with me.

Even when it is only implied, I hate rejection.

Why? Why do I constantly have dreams filled with celebrities? It can't be because I work with retired Hollywood types, now can it?

I enter the dream, and I'm in my living room. A PC is on the floor, its guts exposed. It's obviously in need of a little fixin' up.

So, I pop in a circuit board of some kind, twiddle with a few jumper settings, and voila! The computer hums to life.

Just then The Backstreet Boys walk in my living room. Apparently the computer belongs to Nick Carter. He offers to give me some backstage passes to their concert that night. While I'm thinking, "Some payment, jerk!", I'm also thinking, "Nick's really cute, especially now that he's a little chubby. And wasn't he on the cover of XY Magazine a couple of years ago?"

So, I accept.

The "concert" the boys took me to ended up being a William Shatner concert. I actually had to sit through a full rendition of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" in my dream, when all I wanted to do was get naked with cute Nick.

Cute Nick, however, had other ideas. He jumped up on stage with Shatner, sang horribly with him, and then started flicking lit cigarettes at the audience, all of whom, myself included, had become six years old.

Angered by this, I jump on stage, meaning to wallop the both of them for providing such shoddy and potentially dangerous entertainment, and end up instead kissing Shatner. Bleah! If it was going to be a Star Trek captain I kissed in a dream, why couldn't it have been Patrick Stewart? Hell, even Kate Mulgrew!!

Nick got mad/jealous/suprised over this, and told me that I wasn't being faithful to him, so he and the rest of the boys left.

The rest of the dream was spent in frantic effort to call Nick to apologize. I kept being diverted by his very suspicious mother, who kept telling me that there was simply no way Nick would hang out with fags like me. So I sent her a copy of that XY magazine.

Then, to make the dream perfect, I noded the experience ... only in the dream, I noded it under Daily Evil. Then I wake up.

My dreams are made of softlinks!

No, really.

I was falling asleep last night, and for some reason, each thought popping into my head was softlinked to my next thought. Sheep. Chocolate. Ale. Starfish. The possibilities were endless! They just kept coming and coming!

Of course, I had a fever of 103.
First dream:

There was some weekend-long concert festival that my mom decided to take all of my friends to. We camped out on the festival grounds and really got into the music. Satuday rolled around and we remembered that we were a couple hours away from home, and we needed to get to a rave at 9 pm. We all left except for a friend of mine who decided he wanted to stay and hang out with my mom. Then, all of a sudden, I couldn't find him as he disappeared back into the unwashed masses. I started looking for him because he had my two hits of acid that I was going to do at the rave. I couldn't find him and we ended up just leaving.

Wake up: 9:34 am. Too early. Back to sleep

Second dream:

We (a large group of people, and myself and a few friends) were in a wooded area. The bitch tour guide that I had last summer (we went to Germany, and she was a bitch about everything, and a horrid person on top of that) gave us all something like a report card on our behaviour throughout the trip. She gave me horrible marks and wrote some really unintelligable comments about me. I got all furious but no one else seemed to mind. Then she told us that we had an essay to write, and it'd better be good because it was due in 20 minutes. I got pissed off, jumped on a fallen tree and flew 50 feet into the air. When I came down, I was near a big, hand-built mansion of a house. I walked through the house, which seemed like a hunting lodge. I walked up the stairs towards an attic and I passed Rosie O'Donnell and Penny Marshall on the steps and they said something along the lines of, "You shouldn't be going up there...". I reached the top of the stairs and I opened the door to find a greenhouse. The air inside was nice and cool and beautiful neon-pink flowers lined trays on each side. A door led outside and to a deck. I somehow walked off the deck and fell twenty feet below. The scenery was beautiful, it was like something out of a picture of Hawaii. I walked around for a bit. Some distance away, I could see some mushrooms growing in the grass. I thought to myself, "Bah, they have to right to be here, they are making the grass look ugly." I decided I wanted to go back to the house, but I couldn't find a way up. I turned back around and I saw Morticia Addams (from The Addams Family), hanging upside down with her knees bent around a treebranch. Below her, there were 2 bright yellow, bananas boucing ten or fifteen feet up in the air. I figured that I could use the bananas to get back up to the house. I pulled on Morticia's hair to make a banana carry me up. I didn't realize it, but I was supposed to hop on to the other banana in mid-air. So, I fell to the ground. I fell right into the patch of mushrooms. The mushrooms were not nearly as ugly has I had previously thought. Their stems bent and twisted in intricate ways. I picked a mushroom and it oozed some kind of white fluid. Turned off by that, I pulled on Morticia's hair again, and caught both bananas back up to the deck of the hunting lodge/mansion.

Woke up.

Man, I haven't had a dream as vivid as that in a long, long time. I thoroughly enjoyed the dream and I wish I would have more like that.

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