Dream Log: May 8, 2001

My mom had to take me to school, along with this really noisy girl that rides my bus. My mom gets to the parking lot and stops to let me out. I open the door, but before I can step out, she starts driving again. "Hey, mom," I said, "what are you doing? You are supposed to drop me off at school."
"I gave you more than enough time to get out. Now I'm going to work." Then she takes me to work . . . my work. I clock in and my boss tells me that instead of doing my normal job, I have to look after my autistic 9 year old cousin Sarah. Since that is a much better job than checking out groceries and getting carts off the lot, I agree and go to the room they say she is in.
She has this very interesting toy, a toy that I have never seen. It is a ball that one applies paint to in a random manner. A basketball-pump looking apparatus is inserted into the ball, which then opens up like a flower, with sections radiating from the center. My sister's Jewish friend runs in the room, talking about how cool this toy is. However, she is urging me not to put the pump in the sphere.
She leaves, and I go to talk to Sarah. She is singing a song by Pavement, but which song, I cannot remember. I ask her where she heard that song.
"It's my favorite song," she replies.
"But where did you hear it?"
"Favorite song . . . "
As she is speaking, I notice her teeth. They are yellow, and horribly crooked. They are pointing every which way, and there is even a tooth that seems to be coming from the roof of her mouth, a very improbable location for a tooth indeed.

I was heading to hell in a schoolbus.. The bus was full of people, but I got to sit with Kai (from Lexx) and an untidy looking man. The man wasnt bad company, but I was more curious about Kai, and asked him questions about what was happening. He was still a living dead, but still dead enough to get into the bus, but he concealed the reason why he had come here. Soon the bus stopped by a camping area, and when everyone got out, I lost Kai withing the crowd. I managed to find the man who had been sitting next to me, and we wondered about a toilet that camp leader was showing to newcomers. It was a log stairway going to a pond, and without any walls around there was a toiletseat completely underwater. Fortunately, neither of us needed to use it, so we continued walking with the crowd, but I dont remember exactly what happened then..

Next thing I remember is that we had been introduced into a hotel, but it seemed to me that it was some sort of trick. We had seen all the places we were allowed to, including dining room, main hall, each visitors rooms and so on, and everything seemed like a perfect five star hotel. The untidy man liked the place, so though I tried to tell him that this didnt fit into the picture, he said I was just paranoid, so I left to investigate things by myself. Again the exact details are missing..

I had found out that outside the walls of the hotel, there were laboratories and observation rooms with one-sided mirrors and screens for hidden cameras around the hotel. Beyond the rooms wasnt just the camping area, but the whole complex was supported in the air by vast pipe supports those continued in the endless darkness everywhere around and under the hotel! The workers of the complex and the staff of the hotel found out that I knew more than I should, so I was wanted by them, but none of the hotel "guests" were to be informed. I had also learned that the green lithium light on my keyring lamp was dangerous to the minions of hell, so I managed to temporary blind them and keep them away from me by making them double over in pain. At one point, I was suprised sneaking in the hallway by three maids, so I had to use the light again. They couldnt get closer to me, but somehow the keyring failed so the light and the keys were separated from it, and I had to run before the staff would recover. I went through an employee entrance to a walkway outside the complex, and managed to lose them again. I knew I'd have to get armed again, but it seemed kind of hopeless since the workers would definately be carefull not to let the light fall into wrong hands. The dream had a movie like fade from me to somewhere else in the complex..

The hotel staff wondered if they should get rid of the light, keys and the keyring, but they decided it would be wiser to use them as a bait. They were talking in one of the laboratories, which had a "roof" that seemed like surface of swimming halls water seen from under the surface, and in the center of the room was a construction support made from the same pipes those the complex was built on. The pipe mast seemed to go through the water surface, and they put the light on a platform under the pipes. They left to hide the rest of the parts, but before they left, one of them used a remote control to turn off the floor of the room, leaving the pipe-supported platform in the air. They closed the door behind them, and the view turned to show Kai hanging behind a desk from the pipes those kept the desk bolted on the wall. He climbed on the desk and muttered to himself "I gotta give him a change" and caught the light from the platform with the claw-on-a-wire thing he has on his arm. The view switched back to me, and I was just coming back to the hallway. This time there wasnt anyone, but when I got around a corner, I noticed the keyring on the ground in the middle of the red carpet. It definately seemed like a trap, but though I looked around, I couldnt see anything they could monitor the point with, but I heard footsteps so I had to rush to take the keyring quickly. As I got the keyring, a door at the hallway opened and a maid tried to attack me, but I was already running away. I ran past the corner, and for my suprise Kai was there and he threw me the light and my keys. He also told me that a door next to him was open, before shooting the wire through a hole on the roof and pulling himself away through it. The maid didnt have time to see Kai, but saw me running into one of the unoccupied bedrooms before I closed the door behind me. I pulled a chair under the handle, but I had to also hold it up with my shoulder while connecting the light and keys with the keyring. I thought the light wouldnt have time to affect her if I'd just open the door and point it at her, so I moved the chair away, and suddenly let the door open. She was pushing against it, so she flew into the room while I struck my fist at her in attempt to render her unconscious. Her head turned left from the impact, and while she took a few short staggering steps with her eyes open I had time to wonder if my hit had any effect. She finally collapsed to the floor, and though I didnt like the idea of hitting a woman, I thought that this staff had much worse plans for me, and escaping the hell would be worth any means necessary anyway, but I woke up..

I was meeting my mom for lunch. I was to be there at 1:00. On the way I saw a guy with three dogs. He was first jogging, then on a bicycle. I thought he was attractive in a scruffy, living under the bridge sort of way. He commented that he took his three dogs everywhere. They were beautiful dogs, but I was thinking how that wasn't very practical. I kept admiring the dogs, and somehow I ended up holding onto a red rope attached to one of the dogs first of all, then to the guy, who was now riding a bicycle. I was being pulled along with them, but losing ground, getting further towards the end of the rope. Finally the guy rode down a hill, and i reached the end of the rope. I held on, pulling him off his bike, and waved and said 'Here's your rope'. Then I was all of a sudden in a wheelchair. I was sure I could still get to my mom's lunch date, which involved crossing a bridge. I went into a building which was some kind of short cut. I knew the way well, but somehow I got lost and ended up in an oil refinery yard which was adjacent to a lumberyard/sawmill. I knew that I could find my way through there if I wasn't in a wheelchair, but knew it would be dangerous in the chair, so I went back into the building, which incidently had red indoor/outdoor carpet on the walls. I found my way to the street and glanced at my watch. It was 2:34 and I had missed my date. I was upset because it would hurt my mom, so I found a pay phone to call her. Across the road was a person with a dog who was hiding under the cut grass at the side of the road. While using the pay phone, I fell out of it, but could stand up and call my mom. She said to meet her at a house right next to the phone. It was a duplex, and we went in the back door. My whole family was there and we were just hanging out when I began to wonder who lived here and why we could come here. I asked my mom, and she said it belonged to her brother. She has no brother, and I asked her what she meant and her and my dad started saying "we'll need to discuss this later" and were obviously hiding something. A black and white pencil drawing of a mother and a child was on the wall that was of my mother and I.

Interpretation?...whoooheeee...lets see. First of all the lunch time was kind of late. I think it's kind of late for me to be trying to get close to my mom, but I'm trying. The guy with the dogs is my past, the kind of guy I'd get involved with in college days, impractical, living under the bridge sexiness. Carefree. Three dogs..hmmmm Three dog night? a group from my extreme youth? Maybe it's time to let go of youth...admit to being as old as I am? The red rope? Im not sure. Wheelchair....hmmmm being hindered in life...feeling like I can't negotiate it like I'd like to. The oil refinery/sawmill....things I used to just dance through are worrying me now. I've lost some of that carefree attitude that comes with youth, and I'm noticing that. Being late for lunch..obvious. The house? I have no idea....Maybe that there are some secrets that my mom is keeping.

I dream that my blood count is at 24.957. Up! My doctor says "sure, fine, as long as it's higher than 10." (I love how I invent significant numbers in my dreams. I don't think it can be fractional amounts, or that those numbers are within the normal range. but whatever!) I wake up convinced that this means I need to swallow pills. I realize I forgot to take my pill last night. Oops. I take it at 4 am.

I arrive at work determined to swallow pills today. I ambitiously start with a skittle. gaggggghh. Mini m&ms, maybe. I crunch one by accident, and dissolve three more to their constituent chocolate as mouthful after mouthful of water fails to wash them down. My tongue is determined to hold on to them for dear life. I float an empty gelcap at the back of my throat, but no dice: I can't manage to swallow even the water with my head tilted forward. (I can without a pill there, though. Sigh.)

I'm told when I was a toddler I swallowed a banana almost whole, to the astonishment of my parents. It seems more believable today that it always have, though I don't know why. Seeing my throat constrict and protest at tiny tiny chocolates when it routinely swallows things 8, 16 times as large reminds me that the mind can convince the body to do ridiculous things. I bet I could swallow a banana today if I believed I could. I don't, however, and neither do I believe that I can swallow pills. I believe very strongly in the placebo effect, but part of me also believes just as strongly:

"believing in strange things doesn't mean that strange things will believe in you."

I was in my house listening to the new tool song, i had Winamp running with Geiss, and i was watching it. I walked out through my dad's office, to have a cigarette I think. and noticed that his machine was also playing the new tool song. I wondered if I had done it? I looked at all the machines in my house, and all 8 of them were blaring the tool song with the visualization plugin running, all in sync.

I’m in a car, a suburban type I think, I’m sitting bitch. My old friend grant, from Boston, is in the passenger, and I think its my friend Tyler driving. We ride around Boston talking about old times, then we pull the car into what looks like a drive in restaurant but the car gets set on tracks and we go on a roller coaster ride. I don’t remember much of the ride, except we didn’t seem to be moving right in comparison to the track. We get off the ride, which by the end was a standard issue roller coaster cart. I get off and seem to be around a bunch of people I know. There is a girl there, and she asks if she can borrow a CD of mine. I give her the CD and borrow one from her, for some reason I remember fumbling with the case/inserts of her CD, but jam it into a cargo pocket. As I’m leaving the roller coaster area, my friends run up to me and they were looking at me weird, and then Scott (Who I think left the roller coaster place with us) starts to tell me that the girl who I traded CDs with is a lesbian. This confuses me, and I ask him why I would care, and he’s just like “Oh.” And seems equally confused.

Wake up.