Dream Log: May 22, 2002

I'm in a small house near a beach. The kind of house I think of as a 'holiday home'. The woman I'm staying with (an older woman. Very ugly. Perhaps she's the owner) has been complaining about her teeth for a while. They hurt her. They ache.

She decides to pull out her teeth, but she is looking for support. She insists I take out some of my teeth at the same time. Moral support. I am horrified at first, but after a couple of experimental tugs I discover that one of my front teeth comes away cleanly. No pain. Ahh. That feels nice actually. It's refreshing. The air feels fresher and colder through the gap, like I've eaten some tasty mints.

Soon I'm tugging at the other front tooth and it too is extracted painlessly. There is a pleasant tickling sensation as the root comes away. It feels like pulling a silk tie slowly through a closed hand. I am an inverted Bugs Bunny and it's funny.

Now we are both pulling our teeth. We are rushing to finish the job and get them all out. That is important; to remove all of them and be left with smooth minty gums.

As I reach back for the last of the remaining (and difficult to reach) molars I realise something horrific. In my rush I have made a bad job of it. We both have. There are stumps. Some teeth have only been partially removed, snapped in half. It hurts now. When you cut yourself the pain comes not with the injury, but when you see the blood. I go to a mirror and am appalled by the mess in my jaws. Bits of teeth. Half teeth. Stubs of canine, slick with saliva and blood and impossible to grip. I rush to the kitchen and look for implements. I don't know what I'm looking for but I wonder if there might be some nutcrackers in this drawer.

Only forks and spoons. Reasoning that pronged forks will afford more grip than smooth spoons, I grab a couple. (the woman is forgotten. I don't know where she is. Perhaps she is panicking somewhere else). I turn back to the mirror but it has gone. It was never there. The room is different. No woman and no mirror and an ache in every tooth. I go back for a nice big spoon to use as a mirror. The convex face reveals a grotesque parody where once my teeth stood. A circus hall of mirrors distorted jaw. The spoon is frustrating. Wherever I position my hands I block my view.

Regardless, I go in with a fork in each hand (how is the spoon held up? I'm no longer sure) and try to grasp a tooth. Go for that one, the biggest. Sort this out. The grip isn't enough. The forks are not sharp enough to hold the tooth firmly, but they do shred my gums when I loose my grip.

I know that this is a nightmare. I know that I will wake up and my teeth will be fine.

For the first time I try to relax. I try to close my mouth. Shards of broken tooth dig in to the tender flesh in the opposite gum. My mouth opens in a scream and I suspect I won't close it again for a while. I know that it is Sunday and that the dentist will be closed until tomorrow.

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Co-Op Initiation

• I am invited by Robin to become a member of "The Co-Op". This dream organization is based on the actual Kresge Co-Op at UC Santa Cruz, a small natural and organic food store located at Kresge College, and organized around the co-op idea. I was hanging out there for some time yesterday afternoon, conversing, eating and dancing to the sound of Terrapin Station with my new friends Alex and Robin, and an old friend, Rolf. In this dream, "the co-op" is not just a food store, it is a commune--its members all living together in cooperative harmony, holding collective ownership of all possessions. After a long period of growing familiarty with the people, Robin invites me to become a member. The UCSC campus appears in its dream-version, a very small group of buildings among the redwood trees, perched near the cliff edge of the great blue Pacific ocean. In order to become a member of this highly selective organization, I must go through an initiatory rite, the details of which I know nothing.

  It is night, and Robin leads me by the hand to a small hand-made, all-wood hut within sight and hearing of the ocean waves. It's where the Porter College study center would be in waking life. The architecture of the one-room structure is highly significant, a radially symmetric pentagon. Inside, everything is smooth, well-cut wood; benches at various levels are built into the walls around the perimeter. It is very similar to a sauna I've been to in downtown Santa Cruz. Near the ceiling, the wooden crossbeams form a perfect star and thus a pentagram is inscribed within the pentagon of the building. There are three other women there in the small, well-lit room. I admit to them my nervousness and they all smile serenely to reassure me. Still having no clue as to the nature of the initiation, we begin to remove our clothing. A highly charged Dionysian vibration descends on the room, disorienting me. Am I about to engage in a pagan sex-rite? Temporarily overwhelmed I excuse myself and walk outside into the cool night air, trying to regain my calm. Walking around behind the building I see through the slits of the shutter at the now-nude women inside. Without any voyeuristic motivation, I simply want to know beforehand what exactly I am about to take part in. No one will reveal the secret. I am unwilling to join an orgy but fully willing to immerse in a genuine, compassionate atmosphere of naked emotional intimacy. Suddenly another member of the Co-Op catches me looking into the building, trying to learn the secret before it is revealed, and banishes me from the scene. I have broken the rules.

  Dream repeats as Robin leads me by the hand, under the stars, to the small well-lit hut. This time I have no fear of the unknown and gladly remove my clothing as preface to the initiation. Somehow, in adopting this accepting attitude, I am gifted with the sought-after secret!--even before it is revealed. In the opened space we are to give an offering of Love to the Divine, resident in each one of us. My offering is in the form of a song: a guitar appears and to the gently swaying women I sing Fire On The Mountain, the words giving off light as they leave my lips and rise through the center of the star suspended above.

I was on a stage in front of thousands of people during a rock concert, with my legs crossed, when I suddenly noticed the band playing on the stage was none other than the infamous Tool. Yes this was indeed strange to me, I immediately began to ask myself the questions of “How did I get here?” and “How come no security guards are pulling me off kicking and screaming?” Well I was soon distracted from my thoughts by the person behind me. She was asking me all sorts of weird questions (that I’m not willing, at this point, to go into) and some sort of church official was standing off in the corner making sure I didn’t do anything “naughty.”

Well, the band had just finished their great live version of Pushit (come to think of it, I believe I may have been listening to Salival before I fell asleep) and they just stood there, not really engaging the crowd, nor starting a new song. It seemed an eternity before they picked up the next song, which turned out to be some Metallica cover. I’m no fan of Metallica (well the singing at least) and I was preparing to go talk to Danny about it when I realized, “Hey now, this is Tool, Maynard can sing a hell of a lot better than that Metallica dude.” And so I let them continue uninterrupted.

All in all it seemed they were bored out of their minds throughout the entire performance and when they finally said goodnight the entire crowd dispersed outward in all directions. I asked one of the security dudes how the people had paid for tickets and he said that this was a charity performance for crippled people in Australia. It was then that I began to ponder how I had arrived in Australia in the first place and why my pants were down at my ankles…

I'm working in a 7-11, stocking & straightening all the aisles (The store was much bigger than a 7-11 though, more like a CVS). This was my first day. Everytime I found a candle holder, I was instructed to fill it with water. It wasn't like they wanted the water to put the candles out, it's like they wanted water to be there for design sake. I thought it was odd that they still had Halloween stuff for sale since it was 7 months ago.

Pamela Anderson is working behind the register, making hot dogs. Kid Rock is standing off to the side, making sure no one says anything to her, & he gets belligerent whenever anyone does.

I'm just doing my job, when my fiance' shows up. It just happens to be Tommy Lee! He & I are hanging out for quite awhile, I guess it doesn't matter to my boss if I hang out while on the clock. Tommy puts his arm around me & takes me to the register. He askes the other cashier to take a picture of us because "we're having a moment." He made it clear that it was VERY important to have a picture taken of us together. He leaves eventually & sends a limo to pick me up so I can go to the concert he was doing that night.