Dream Log: May 17, 2001

I'm at a party, filled with people from my life and a few other characters that are recognizable, but only because they're placeholders in my dreams.

This party is in a large house, and I'm looking for something. I talk to various people, and everyone offers me a tiny blue pill. I reject this pill, because it's not what I'm looking for.

But everywhere I go, I find these pills. I sit on a bed, the pills are in the folds of the bedsheets. I go to the kitchen, the pills are in the fridge. I try to use the phone, and the buttons are the pills.

Exasperated at this dream, I take one of the pills. And immediately, I find you. In the dining room. I'm suffused with joy, because I haven't seen you in ages. You're eating some strange combination of a Hershey's chocolate bar, and Skittles. I run into your arms and kiss you. I taste chocolate, and sour and sweet and you.

Kissing, kissing, kissing. I don't ever want to stop kissing you. There is electricity in our mouths, our tongues, our skin, our groins. Don't stop kissing me. Don't stop kissing me. Don't ever stop kissing me.

But the kiss ends. And I wake up.

To find only a hole where you used to be.

I hate that hole. I want to kill it. To rend it. To tear it into tiny little pieces with a murderous rage because I hate the absence it signifies more than anything I've ever hated in my life.

But it won't go away. Nor will my mind which played this cruel trick on me.

So I do the only thing I can do.

I cry.

There was a plot and several subplots which if you ask me is rather weird.
Anyway, I got this letter from a stranger that told me he knew
everything about me, my address, my phone number, my major, my
relatives, my family. my weaknesses, my work schedule, my aunt Deirdre and her family,
why does she keep popping up in my dreams?. My likes, my dislikes.
Meanwhile a little kid from my old church received a similar letter, and I
went to the school where his parents were picking him up to see if I
could get a copy for the police. His father was seeing another woman
which he avidly displayed in front of his wife who was in tears (This is
the only part of dream I can relate to yesterday, because I read an
article about woman in polygamous marriages yesterday. ) I got back
home and my family was there and so was this guy who kept telling me I
should be more careful how I display my information on the Internet. All
this information was supposedly in the UMASS school directory which I have no
control over. He started stalking me, I called the police but he still kept
popping up. One night we were all sitting in a one room apartment that I
did not recognize, Frommy, Katie, Carolyn, Steve, Sara Pete, Mike,
My coupled friends , See the odd number here?
Shawn, my gay ex was outside, I wouldn't let him in, he was somewhat crazy. He
was an actor and he had made his first movie which he hooked up a
television screen in the window trying to get us to watch it. . I just know
gay boy was making out with some woman on screen. The movie had
less plot than my dream. I was cuddling with some kid from my french class
who was getting mad that my ex bf was outside the window in a sex
scene and mike was getting mad that I was cuddling with The french
class kid. I walked outside later that night so mike could drive me home
and the stalker was lying on the ground all sliced up and bloody, alive but
dying. Shawn had murdered him in cold blood.

I had the following dreams after last night's first course in Art of Living by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

• I am back in the campus lounge where the meeting took place. The group is sitting around on the white sheets that cover the floor. We go through several stages of intellectual tricks designed to remove expectations, assumptions and other restrictive cognitive structures. We begin to meditate and I go deeper than I have before. With my eyes open I begin to see visions. I am visited by a few Masters though I don't remember who. They appear in the room in front of me and tell me things. I listen in awed silence. The last person to appear is actually Dennis Hopper, dressed in a long white robe with a yogi's long grey beard. He addresses me by name, telling me ancient secrets about the breath and prana.

• I'm at UC Santa Cruz, Porter College, and there is a perpetual tornado that lifts objects into the air from one side of the quad. We are all amused by this strange phenomenon. I walk near it and discover a twisted up house which I recognize as belonging to my friend, Lianna. For a long time I search for her and become disheartened when I don't find her. Then I think I see her far off down a street at the bottom of a hill. I wave to her and the dream ends.