I'm pissed at myself for having waited so long to write this down,
because by now I've forgotten so much of it. I don't remember what
came before I walked down into the cove. There the sand was bright and
warm, and so was the water. It made little criss-cross
es as the wave
drew back like 100 ft, but the water never seemed to go away. It was
still about an inch
deep across the whole way. On my left was an
embankment, with some grasses and bushes, and on my right a large rock breaker extending as far as I noticed ahead. Land behind me, ocean ahead. The water was a bright beautiful green. Out of nowhere from behind came this car. I remember two guys, one with a red baseball
, the other had a white one. I didn't hear it coming at all -- just
happened to turn and saw it sliding right towards me, its hood turned
slightly to my left, and it just glided across the sand straight for
me. I almost hit my jaw on my knee as I ducked off to the right and
rolled in the sand. I just barely escape
d it and dived into the
bushes. I thought I'd be safe here, but then they shot
me. I was shot
from behind, I think, right through my belly. I stumbled up the hill
crying for help, and ended up behind a backstop. A clueless father and
didn't interrupt their game of catch as I called for help.
I'd never heard her say anything -- only noticed her in passing. Over at
the dive shop, I think. There was one diving spot that was better than
the rest -- the water was the same bright green. Maybe it was just the
other side of the breaker -- I think it was. But it was much earlier.
I'd seen her in other places, too, but she'd always been sort of
separated from the rest of the scene. I saw her in slow motion, as if
overlaid onto the rest of the world. I was dying. Laying in the dirt,
the life was draining from my body. Even before she knelt by me I knew
everything would be all right. Smiling, she laid a hand on my wound,
healing me completely. She had short brown hair, kinda light, almost
reddish, and the same color eyes, big and smiling. "You haven't
touched anyone before, have you?" I asked, surprised. I think I meant
in the scope of the dream. So far she'd been just kinda floating by,
wherever I'd gone. She hadn't interacted with anyone at all until now.
I didn't know where she'd come from or how she got here. "Not in a
very long time," was her reply. We wasted no time and started rolling
on the floor kissing passionately forever. Whenever my eyes would
blink open hers were closed. We rolled around forever. Later she came
back to my parents' house for a barbecue. Someone had burned the hot
dogs, so we put them back on the grill, in their buns, in a little
swinging rack just the right size hanging down from the lid. Going
upstairs, we saw a bunch of guys in N's room, on a mattress, playing
cards or something, and peering at something out the window. I think
she like kicked their asses or something ... I don't remember. She did
some other amazing things, too, and everybody started calling her a
goddess. She only ever spoke to me, really. It was like we'd been
forever, and forever would be.
Until I woke up.
I almost cried. No shit: lying in my bed here this morning I felt such a profound sense of loss to be without her I almost started crying. Nothing's really wrong here, but my love had been left behind in my dreams. It was more real than any dream I'd ever had, and I closed my eyes again wanting more than anything to go back, but it didn't happen.